Thy will be done or my own?

I'm a work in progress, that's for sure. I'm thankful each day for the Atonement because I can be forgiven for the mistakes I make. I also know the Atonement can give me the strength to overcome the parts of myself I cannot change on my own which can help me to stop making the same mistakes. The mercy and love of Jesus Christ is a beautiful.

Today was a day I learned how pride plays a role in my life in a way I hadn't really imagined before. It's been quite humbling. Today's experience was not me actively pursuing sin, or blatantly challenging God, but it was me being unrighteous and sinful, that's for sure. Moments of pride can be small and those moments seems to be so subtle, or "not that big of a deal". Guys, disobedience is disobedience whether it's small or big and pride no matter what level it falls (on what I think we each sometimes see as The Scale of Sin) is still sin. That principle applying to pride I didn't fully appreciate before. In what seems like a small moment in my life I actively pursued my own will and not the Lord's.

Don't get me wrong, I quite often pursue my own will, but today was somehow different, I felt different, I felt horrible. Not a glossed over horrible that I can usually feel better with quickly, but the kind of horrible that requires humble repentance and forsaking. The kind of horrible that's dark and can encroach on any light I might be trying to feel. I haven't quite pinpointed why I felt/feel a little still like this, but I am leaning towards the principle of "sinning against light and knowledge" and how bad doing that really is.

You wanna know what I did, or didn't do actually? I'll write it down here in a sec. Let's hope posterity reads and learns from this and I remember this experience forever. The story is a simple uncomplicated one and goes like this:

Tomorrow is the Phoenix Temple dedication. The Tucson Stake Center is going to become an extension of the Temple during that time and because of that last week my ward was asked to come in this morning and do some extra cleaning to prepare the building for the occasion. Last week when it was announced I felt I should go, and truthfully wanted to help prepare the building. However, I've been on this kick with not wanting to get out of bed in the mornings (whole different post will probably come on this subject), so this morning when my alarm went off at 7am I wanted to sleep more. Granted I felt totally great and could have easily got up and started my day so I had no "need" to sleep more, I just wanted to. I felt impressed I should go to the chapel, I felt that I should get up and go help clean. I didn't. I chose to validate what I wanted to do and stayed in bed until 845. I however was awake most of the time pining over if I should just get up and go late to help. They started at 8 and should have been done by 9. I felt I should go even if I was going to be late. I didn't go.

My will be done? Yup. Did I make a horrible mistake? Yup. I don't know what the consequences to myself will be because of my prideful desire to do what I wanted to do instead of what the Lord would have me do, but I pray that no one else will be negatively affected because of it. That's why selfish desires are so horrible, we never know what our choices will do to other people. On the positive side when we do listen and try to be selfless I know blessings will come to everyone. I hope no one needed me this morning and I wasn't there for them. This horrible feeling associated with denying a prompting from the Holy Ghost, sinning against Gods' light does have potential for good. I know even if there are negative consequences from my choices today I will be a lot less likely to ever do this again. I sadly think I've said that before.

This is the moment when I go back to the first paragraph of my post and remind myself I am not perfect. I am not expected to be perfect because Jesus Christ is. He has the perfect ability to forgive us and help us to forsake what is bad for us. I know God loves me, I know my Savior loves me, and I know I am being continually guided by and comforted by the Holy Ghost because He loves me too. What an amazing day.

Side note: I'm super thankful the Lord knows my weaknesses and has let me know to be aware of my pride. My patriarchal blessing has been a huge source of comfort these last few months because the Lord has told me what to be aware when it comes to my own 'natural man'. I find comfort also in knowing He wants me to have joy in this life and the way to obtain that joy is through Christ.

I succumbed, online "meeting people" I'm giving you a shot

So yeah. I think I need to meet more guys to potentially go on dates with. The only guys lately that seem to be interested in me are two old guys at church that are my moms age. They are flirty and it's weird. Like REALLY weird. I figure if I start trying to actually date guys my age maybe something will come out of it and creepy guys (who are really only creepy because they're old and flirty with me and I am not old) will go away. Funny enough, that is an absolute reason for this, but I do really want to meet a guy who has the same outlook on life as I do and who loves or can love God as much as me. I'll let you know how that goes. For now here is my "greeting" for the online profile:

Hi. My name is Sarah. This little "create a greeting" thing is kinda weird, but here ya go. I love God, my family, friends, food, nature, teaching, and creating. The first four in that order and the rest have equal priority after. I'm interesting in getting to know guys who have the same top three loves. It would be helpful though if you loved food too or at least loved to eat it, because yo, I cook a lot.

I'm a full-time student at the UofA. I'm pursuing an art degree. I can weld and know my way around power tools which is pretty cool. I worked for years in healthcare and as a cosmetologist, but didn't feel quite fulfilled in those fields so I went to school. Learning and gaining knowledge has been ahhhmazing! Eventually I want to teach within my community using the talents I have. Teaching is in my blood and I absolutely love doing it.

Being older than most of my classmates I always find myself telling them no one could pay me enough money to be their age again. I enjoy getting older and the perspectives that come with it. I try to LIVE life, not just let life happen.

You should also know I'm a we bit obsessed with food and all things natural. I go organic, local, and simple for my groceries and home life as much as possible. I shop at the local farmers' markets, the co-op, and thrift stores. I think too often we complicate life and living. I don't feel God means for us to do that. So I'm learning to live without and learning to make what I do and do have count. It's been a pretty amazing experience transitioning into the life I'm now living and am pretty excited to keep on simplifying. I love life.

Through my experience learning about food I have a strong testimony of the truthfulness of the Word of Wisdom and the blessings promised in it from eating whole foods. I'm not a vegetarian, but I don't eat meat often. I thought I should warn you guys. haha. I live in the desert where it's hot, Arizona winters are short, and I haven't experienced any famines ever. In the big picture of why I simplify food and living is because I feel western societies only know how to consume things. How often do we look at the impact of things we "want" on the earth, society, families, even individuals? I do have a plethora of homemaking skills now because of simplifying though. Putting my laundry away isn't always one of them, but I know how to iron. Haha. I should throw in here too with the homemaking skills that I adore kids. I've been a primary teacher and YW leader. Also, my nieces and nephews are some of my favorite people in the world and we often go out on "aunt Sarah adventures". I find so much joy in being a person who gets to contribute to their learning about life. I want them to see the good in the world and appreciate all that we've been given. It's pretty humbling to teach a child.

I also freakishly enjoy nature! Give me a covered porch with a swing in a thunder and lightening storm and I'm in Heaven. Sunsets are my favorite time of day. I enjoy hiking and camping too. I'm interesting in trying mountain biking, but riding uphill hasn't sounded all that appealing yet. I'm up for trying it though if the right person invites me on the adventure. I love adventures! I ride my bike in town to work and school so it's an adventure in living each day. haha. Joking. Tucson is a pretty bike friendly place. Last year I went rock climbing for the first time and I loved it. I'm thinking about checking out indoor rock climbing this year for my workouts. I'm thinking I'll enjoy that more than "traditional" cardio/weight lifting :)

On a final note, I'm a going to church every Sunday, fulfilling my callings to the best of my ability, and reaching out to help all people kind of gal. I talk to strangers and share the gospel with most people I come in contact with. I try to do my visiting teaching, I don't like sitting in the same spot in sacrament meetings (not because I don't like consistency, but because I like to see if there is anyone who needs me that day), and I love organizing/planning ward holiday parties. Ok, I really enjoy all party planning. I get to be artsy and freaky organized? Yes please.

I teach Gospel Doctrine in my ward and love to go out with the missionaries and feeding them too. Right now I have the chance to teach the new member discussions to a family in my ward. I never served a mission so this experience is great! I go to the temple once a month, but am always looking for opportunities to go more often. I'm pretty stoked about a temple coming to Tucson! I try to actively live my faith.

I also believe the answer to everything in this life is Love.

I think that's enough about me. Props to you if you have made it to the end of my greeting. If I sound like someone you'd be interesting in getting to know message me and maybe we can chat.

Have a great day!

Sarah

Here are the pictures I have up there too. I figured putting up an array of pictures of me would give someone a more complete picture of my character. haha.

Interesting Insight

Acquaintance vs friend. Yeah, I gained some interesting insight on the difference between those two things last week when I had a written email conversation with Andy (no details about the conversation are necessary, they don't matter). I realized he is not my friend, nor I his. It is not that that is a bad thing either. It's actually really helpful. I realize I can say confidently I don't like him like I thought I could/might. It's nice to have learned that I am only someone who cuts his hair and he is just someone who teaches/helps me with my bike.

From what transpired between us, I learned friends are aware of each others personality quarks and handle said quarks completely different than an acquaintance does.I learned a major difference between a friend and an acquaintance is that a friend is someone who's quarks we enjoy or have a freakishly high tolerance for. Friendship is certain when the quarks they have bug us when other people have them, but with that friend they don't matter.I guess that is also what makes up a family and the dynamics therein. I recognize families get along better when we look past our differences and learn to tolerate one another's differences rather than letting those differences bug us.

I learned a lot from this experience.

The end.

Sweetness! I'm excited!

Today I found out I won the Tucson Food Conspiracy Co-Op's first (hopefully annual) eat local challenge. A happy dance and a whole lot of hehehe's were happening when I found out! The challenge was to use local ingredients in our meals for two weeks and document it all in pictures. Oh how I love taking pictures of food! Not even joking here. I really do love it. haha. On instragram I would take a picture of my food and use the #tucsoneatslocal hashtag. It is awesome to adventure with local ingredients; I highly recommend trying it sometime if you haven't. I'm adding all the pictures I took for the challenge to this post for memory sake. I'll only put the local ingredients I used, mainly because I'm lazy at the moment. If you really want to know what is all in some of them, comment and I'll get back to ya.

Local and organic: eggplant, carrots, zucchini, onions, tomatoes, and whole wheat tortillas (green chili powder is from New Mexico ;)

Local and organic: Whole grain sourdough, egg, tomatoes, kale, and basil (My salt is from Utah ;)

Local and organic: Okra, carrots, onion, garlic, egg, basil, and chives

Local and organic: White peaches, valencia orange (juice and zest), and raw honey

Local and organic: kohlrabi, fennel, eggplant, onion (yellow and red), garlic, jalapeno, tomatoes, and cactus (nopales)

Local and organic: long beans, kohlrabi, zucchini, and basil

Local and organic: egg, kale, oyster mushrooms, shallots, and basil (The plate is even local, I made it in ceramics :)

Local and organic: sweet potato, nopales, onioin, basil, and valencia orange (segments and zest). (The wheat berries are from Utah)

Local and organic: Whole grain sourdough and figs

Local and organic: Tortilla, tomatoes, nopales, onion, garlic, and egg (I made the black beans too :)

Local and organic: kale, oyster mushrooms, onion, garlic, squash, pork fat, dried thyme, dried rosemary, dried sage, and whole grain sourdough.

Local and organic: sweet potato, bell pepper, squash, onion, garlic, fresh rosemary and basil, pork fat, and egg.

Local and organic: Beef, zucchini, tomatoes, onions, garlic, and lime.

I. Love. Food. Especially fresh and locally grown food. I love even more than food itself is that food has taught me so much about God, the world, society, me, and Tucson. 

Food is good. God is good for creating food. I love Him.

*** Also, did I mention I think I've figured out how I can/want to contribute to bettering my community in the big picture?! Hint. Its about food ;) I have a few really cool things I am hoping play out in the next couple weeks. I'll post an update as soon about what they are. Hehe. 

Update: Here is me getting my prizes :)

Ten Years and 165 Pounds Later

This is the picture I had to send in with the application for my cosmetology license back in April of 2004. 

I remember getting all dolled up for the passport photo. I was at my heaviest weight of 350 pounds. I wore a 28-30 in pants and a 3-4X in shirts.

Now this picture I took in April 2014 to capture the accomplishment of me riding my bike 8 miles to the UofA from my house and not dying! This is me red faced and sweaty folks. I'm now down to the 190's, which includes new formed leg muscles from all the bike riding! I also now wear a size 12-14 in pants and a Large in shirts.

Thumbs up to this change that's for sure. haha. I wonder what the next ten years will have in store for me? What do you think?

Community Job Secured.

Working to better my community: Check
Non-Profit: Check
Working with amazing people: Check
Part time: Check
Works with my school schedule: Check
Utilizes my organizational skills: Check
Allows me to teach and to be creative: Check
Allows me to also work by myself: Check

I love all of those checks.

The coolest thing happened last week. This is going to take a little bit of back story, but humor me, it's worth it.

A month ago I applied for a full-time position with the community food bank here in town. For the last year I have volunteered with the children's nutrition coordinator in an after school program that teaches kids about food/nutrition. The coordinator position became available so I decided to apply since I enjoyed volunteering and teaching the kids so much. I applied for the position with complete confidence that I would at least get the chance for an interview, considering I was highly recommended by the previous coordinator and had the experience that was applicable to the position.

They never called me. I called the HR department two weeks after putting in my application to make sure they knew I was interested, just in case they were weeding people out, but I didn't get to talk to anyone (special phone issues on my part) The position got taken off their website right after I called though so I figured they hired someone else. I really felt like I wasn't going to end up working there, but I wanted to try for the position considering it was a great door opener in helping my community and would let me work within fields I am passionate about. Teaching kids and food :)

Last Monday, a whole month after applying to the food bank, I looked on Craigslist for another job. I narrowed down my search by choosing "non-profits" and wouldn't you know it, the perfect job was waiting for me. I updated my resume and sent it off with a cover letter email around 2pm. By 2:05 pm I had gotten a call from the organization looking to set up an interview. I interviewed the next morning at 9 and was offered the job. I was who they had been waiting for. Wednesday I filled out paperwork and got my finger print clearance application submitted. Thursday I started work..

I am now working for the Easter Seals Blake Foundation as a job coach/clerical support staff. I get to work with the disabled community, specifically with a young woman in the office helping her to increase her job/personal skills. It feels so right being there. My co workers have been great, the atmosphere in the small office is this happy vibe of optimism and fun with a lot of love for those the foundation helps thrown in.I feel that this is where I'm supposed to be. It's a great feeling. It's also less than a mile from my new house which is less than a 5 minute bike ride :) Yeah buddy.

Side note: Funny thing happened Tuesday when I got home from the interview after accepting the position at the ESBF. I got a call from the food banks HR wanting to set up an interview for the coordinator position. Haha. Apparently they were just taking their time. I was able to happily decline the interview and stated I had already accepted another position elsewhere.

I know God knew what He was doing when everything fell into place with ESBF. He knew I would have not even looked for another job if I had the chance to interview and had the job extended to me from the food bank. I know I'm supposed to be with ESBF in my life right now. Now I get to try and make sure I learn everything there I am supposed to as well as be a tool in His hands and do what I am supposed to there.

Here is to new work adventures!

An attractive guy and attractive job changes

Andy the hair gettin' cut bike guru, he's pretty, and as of late I've been enjoying getting to know him more. I've realized we are more than just client and stylist, but we are in a realm where we are friends, but not the kind that hang out or really see/talk to each other unless one needs something from the other kind of friends. It works I guess. Maybe not being in the hanging out friend realm is a good thing for my psyche. Andy doesn't seem to like me in any other way than a friend and truthfully I'm might be ok with that..

I've been trying to get away from liking guys who don't seem to be interested in me. It's a hard habit to break since sadly I've been doing it for so long. I'm going to write out my thoughts down on this case, humor me. Trying to not like Andy is an adventure, that's for sure. I completely acknowledge he's attractive, his smile is still great.Which is nice, but also really confusing for my psyche. Andy also gives great hugs which doesn't help me not to be attracted to him. For the love, physical attraction is good, but with a guy I like I want to be able to get to know him for him, not just stare at him all day. I also want him to want to get to know me. Since he's shows no sign of interest I'll try to keep Andy in the "cute guy who's hair I happen to cut" realm. I'll try to not end up liking him more than that. I'll let you know how that goes.

I did realize a month or two ago that I met him in 2011 and have been doing his hair for over two years. It kinda shocked me to think I've known him that long. He's seen me go through a lot of physical, mental, and spiritual changes that have helped me to become who I have. He's been a great person to talk to about whole food living and getting active which I completely appreciate. I've decided to return the favor in helping him to find peace and joy in his life by giving him a copy of the Book of Mormon. It took me over two years to be comfortable enough with him and my own faith to do that. I don't think he has read it yet, but I hope one day he does. It's hard to describe to someone how amazing the scriptures are without them actually reading them to see for themselves. The Book of Mormon really is amazing. If you haven't read it, do it, it can change your life and help you to find peace and joy you didn't know were possible in this life.

Now some hair info. I'm not professionally doing hair anymore. Yahoo! Well almost not anymore. I have one color client left and then I'm done with clients once she finds a new stylist here in the next month or two. Everyone else, except Andy actually (we barter haircuts for bike repairs so I'll keep cutting his hair). I finished working on their hair at the end of May. It's been a great weight lifted off my shoulders. It wasn't even a weight I knew needed lifted, but I followed the impression to let my clients go and that's what happened. They were sad and I was too in the aspect of not being a part of their lives in the same way anymore, but it's something that needed to happen. I'll still be cutting my own hair and my families. I'll still volunteer cutting missionary's hair in my area who need it too. That's service in my book. Speaking of service I'm totally down for teaching friends how to cut their own or their families hair, I just don't want to be the one doing it all the time.

I'm not going away from it completely I guess is what I am trying to say here, but I realized a few months ago that hair just isn't something I want to do anymore. Working in the beauty industry isn't the profession I want nor is it a field I feel I can grow in the way I want to keep progressing in life (if that makes sense?). I've talked about it here before that I really want to work in the community to help it become better. I realized to that I needed to stop doing hair during my off hours, because it was completely impeding me finding a part time or flexible full time job in my community.

I guess another reason I wanted to quit was because I don't color, use styling products, or use anything beside a simple three ingredient soap on my own head anymore. My hippie ways are swaying me away from unnecessary chemicals. I love going more natural and am rocking my gray streak in my bangs. I also have recognized I don't like societies dependence on beauty products to make one feel good about the way we look. I usually don't even wear make-up anymore, and yet I feel more beautiful now than I ever have. Super weird how much I've changed from my early twenties about hair and make-up. haha. I like getting older and "wiser".

Now onto working to better my community. Go.

Findin' Me

The coolest perspective came a few weeks ago... this whole findin' my ore adventure might not have anything to do with finding my eternal companion.

I think it has been about finding myself.

I feel a am a very different person than I was four years ago. Thanks to everything that has happened in my life, most of which has been cataloged on this here blog. Those experiences are the catalyst for helping me to change. I feel I am a better daughter, sister, aunt, friend, and disciple of Jesus Christ. It feels pretty good to know that we can change and become better people. I humbly recognize that I wasn't able to change on my own though. Change took the Lord teaching me in every moment He could. Change came because He is patient with me and has taught me to be more patient with myself. Making mistakes is to be human and live; living a life where we are allowed to make mistakes is a beautiful gift. I humbly recognize that change has come by trying to align my will with the Lords. I recognize He really does know best in regards to EVERYTHING. No really, He does. I have countless stories, especially over the past four years that prove that.

I have found that by trying to sacrifice myself, my time, my talents, and everything that the Lord has given me He has allowed me to truly find myself; a self that by now knowing I don't want to let go of.

Here is to His help in continually Findin' Me. 

The end of my first semester at the UofA

Finals were so hard!!! And I was sooooooooooooooo thankful the day they were done. I loved all of my classes (art history was that love hate relationship, but with perspective I'm realizing I definitely loved it more than hated it). I finished out the semester with a 3.4 GPA. I got the grades I expected in all but one class, which was photography. I got a B. I was really upset about it at first, but have come to accept and be ok with it.

I prayed for that acceptance and a desire to not be mad anymore, because when I first saw my grade I was really mad, upset might have been too nice of a word. Without the Lord stepping in and taking away my frustration, which was focused at my teacher, I would still be upset about it today. I really am all good now. I had an immediate change of heart one night while I was praying, it was the best feeling. That change signifies for me that God loves me and wants me to be happy. I wasn't happy during that time of being mad and He knew it. I also really didn't like the fact that anger over something that was out of my control (I was in control of the work I put into class, but my teacher was in control to grade my work as he saw fit) was enticing me to be grumpy. I chose to pray because I don't like being unhappy and I don't like not feeling in control of my own emotions/reactions. Anger has that effect on me and probably most people. I know that Jesus Christ can counter balance anger and help me to feel love and peace so He is who I try to go to when I am having a "moment" of frustration.

Now onto the Platform project. Not that I need to write it here, because I would have already posted if I had got accepted, but alas, my project proposal did not get accepted. I don't remember if I wrote it, but my Medici proposal for the camera didn't get accepted either, but I did get $400 in scholarships which is super cool.  I know there is a reason I didn't get them so I'll be content with living my life despite the initial disappointment. I am thankful now that I didn't get the Platform project because there has been A LOT going on this last month and having the kind of responsibility to a project like that would have freaked me out. I'm still planning on making the squeezed lemon piece, maybe a little smaller, but I'll do it over the fall semester and try to get it sold after it's made. However a new camera would have been super cool ;) Now I need to move getting a camera up higher on my "things to purchase when I have more money" list.

It's been interesting to have a months perspective on the end of my first semester at the UofA. I learned so much throughout the spring 2014 semester. Here is hoping to keep the streak of learning a bunch alive during the coming years of school.

Here's the low down...

Missionary schedules are hard!

I have not woken up at 6:30am at all since my gun-ho excitement about being a full-time missionary this summer. (I have gone to bed by 10:30 two or three nights though, win!)

I had to face the fact folks, I'm not cut out for that early of a morning yet.

Notice the word yet.

I won't quit trying. I'm determined to not get mad at myself either. It's going to be a transition for me and I realize transitions take time. I need to also be more diligent about studying the scriptures and Preach My Gospel. I always have a better day when I do that. I think some of that "better" comes in the form of not feeling guilty about not doing it. Ya know since I really do know I should be. Again, I'm a work in progress and greatly appreciate that transitioning to become a better missionary takes time.

Positive note: I have been trying to be missionary in other ways. Serving in my community (community food bank and borderlinks) and feeding the missionaries in my ward. I try to share my simple testimony on certain subjects on social media and I've given contact info for a few friends to the full-time missionaries in my ward who I think would like to know more about the Gospel.

I guess I've been doing pretty good. Here is to trying again tomorrow. 

Balance and my lack of it, but I know what to do about it

My super intense month long 3 credit summer sociology class is teaching me tons about how the world and the people in it functions, for good and for bad. I was getting overwhelmed recognizing all the bad that is still prevelant in society and secretly freaking out because I don't know how to fix it. I know that the power of healing for our worlds problems comes through the Atonement and Jesus Christ.  This truth allowed me to recognize the need to use the Gospel of Jesus Christ to balance out my overwhelmed freak outs and have my hopes restored in humanity again.

Tonight peace finally came when I recognized I need to balance what intense learning is happening in my secular and scholastic world with equal intensity in Gospel learning. Good thing I've felt impressed to study and apply the teachings of Preach My Gospel in my life these last two weeks. No joke, for a few days I really thought I was supposed to go on a full time mission because the impression was so strong. Today though all the feelings and impressions accumulated into one beautiful realization on what to do. Guess who's going to start living a full time missionary life the rest of the summer?!

You guessed it me!

I feel The Lord has been so patient with teaching me that not only I need to do it, but why. He really does love and know us the best. 

Because the peace I now feel about that decision has lit within me a determination to do it. Here is to one amazing summer. 

p.s. Being a missionary requires daily journal keeping too doesn't it? I guess this little journey will be recorded here too then. Ya know since this is my claim to keeping a journal :)

p.p.s. It's already past my bedtime, eek. Goodnight because I'll be up bright and early at 630. 

Journaling

For the last few weeks I've had many thoughts roaming around my noggin. Tonight I started like six posts that will be expounded on here soon enough. I've realized I need to be a better journal keeper and writing down my inadequacy about said journal keeping here will help me to be accountable for all those drafts I've started. Hehe. I hope my love of photo journaling with Instagram will make up for some of my missed written entries. 

I want to print out my Instagram account photos and put them in a photo album because IG is going bye-bye when my iPhone goes bye-bye. I will have to think of a creative way to keep doing photo journaling without a cell phone camera available at all times, because I'm going cell phone free here in the next week. I'm "up-grading" my plan to a basic home phone. Me no likey my smart phone anymore, its a gigantic life distraction and I want to still try to LIVE life by simplifying potential distractions. 

I'm sure I'll end up telling you all about it. Keep an eye out for the six posts coming in the next two weeks. 

I need a massage.

haha. I really do need a massage. Maybe one of these days I will go for one.

I wanted to update the blog with some life adventure news. Here you be.

My first semester at the UofA is Fineeeeshed! A's and B's, a couple of gallery shows, a couple of scholarship submissions (I didn't get the Medici, but I did get some mulah from an art school scholarship for next semester :), a large scale project proposal (hoping to find out if I got it this week!), experiencing hate and complete love for a single class, learning how to weld with oxy-acetylene and getting to make a bronze sculpture, seeing things differently, literally and figuratively, thanks to my photography class, trying tempeh, marmite, king oyster mushrooms, and learning there are fungi EVERYWHERE thanks to my mycology class, gaining a greater love for people through praying for them because they bugged the crap out of me, some rockin' calves from all my bike riding, and an addiction to natural Jamaican style ginger ale from the co-op (I drove by it twice a day and it always seemed to beckon me to go inside! lol) makes for a pretty complete semester.

That doesn't include all my adventures with volunteering with the food bank, the children's literacy program, or church. Nor my adventures with trying the CSA (community supported agriculture for local sourdough SUPER ahhhhhmazing breads), public transportation, or stories with getting to better know my mom and her awesomeness. Those are adventures for sure aided in my becoming a better person this semester and a few might be delved into later. For now, I'm just thankful I survived. I just re-read this post and realized why I might have felt a weeeeeeeeee bit overwhelmed this semester. I am COMPLETELY THANKFUL TO GOD, without Him I would have broke.

I also should mention I just submitted my resume and application for a position at the community food bank AND a new crush is forming... oh the sweetness of new life adventures :)

platFORM: adventures in sculpture proposals

Last night I submitted my very first sculpture proposal for an outdoor installation space up in Scottsdale, Tempe, or Gilbert. There are eight "platform" spaces available throughout those cities that were created specifically for art students to have the chance to create and display works while in school. If I get accepted I get funding and the chance to have my work on display for a whole year! I was super excited when I first heard about it and knew I wanted to try for it. No joke, it took awhile to get everything together to submit, but thankfully it all pulled together and now it's in the hands of the Lord whether I get the opportunity or not. I wanted to share my written project proposal, the sketches and miniature bronze piece I made to depict my proposed piece.

Here you be, but remember I don't write or draw as well as I can sculpt! haha.

I am currently a sculpture student at the University of Arizona where my knowledge and experience with art practices and theory are expanding. This is encouraging me to create pieces with impact; I feel the impact of my work is through engaging the mind not only in thought through what is being depicted and emphasized in a piece, but I also feel my work encourages action by connecting individuals to themselves and their community through implied dialogue with the piece. In 2013 I received my Associates of Fine Arts degree with a visual arts concentration from Pima Community College. During my time as a student I have been able to work with metal, ceramic and wood concentrating on using each material to its full potential.

A passion in my life is food, specifically the production and consumption of the western diet. My work attempts to open up a conversation about food and its industry. Through my experience with whole food living, being a food writer, and helping educate youth about nutrition the piece I am proposing will not only appeal to the eye, but challenge thought in regards to the impact industrialized food has on the individual, community, and society. My proposal for the Platform project is a squeezed half lemon dripping juice. The lemon closely connects Arizona with the food industry and culture; Citrus being one of the five cash crops of the region. A 36” x 30” x 36” steel rod frame forms the lemon segments, added ceramic pieces will make up parts of the peel and the exposed cut flesh of the lemon. The ceramic elements will be attached to the frame with bolts and other hardware to emphasize industrialization in our culture. The work interacts with the viewer by letting them see inside and through the piece as well as the urban landscape around. This helps to ground the viewer to their local environment by marrying the viewer to the landscape hoping to incite action as the process of food production and consumption in the western diet is truly disjointed from sustainable agriculture.

 I titled the little bronze piece "Fresh Squeezed". haha. Isn't it cute? Also, working with wax, which is what I had to do to get the bronze piece was fun, but waaaay different than working with clay. I like clay. 

Now I have three things I am waiting to hear back about that I have opened myself up to try for, an art school scholarship for the fall (I'll find out in the next month or two about this), the summer Medici scholarship to buy a new camera (I'll find out in the next week about this), and this platFORM project (I'll find out by May 9th about this). 

Even if I don't get any of them I sure have learned a lot about myself, my work ethic/organizational skills under pressure, and what my passions for creating art is. Sweet goodness school might be harder than I was expecting, but I sure am enjoying all this learning and life experience. If I do get them though... my summer is going to be PACKED. haha. I am hoping for the latter. Prayers and happy vibes my way would be immensely appreciated :)

Red Ribbon and 2nd Place, I'll take it!

I won second place in the Sustainability art show with "Fear the Soda"! I am so happy! God is good!

Now I need to create my artist resume with all that's happened in the last two years so I can send off project proposals. One will be for the Medici Summer Scholarship to help me buy a semi pro digital camera for the children's book illustration that I mentioned already and the other proposal is a sculpture project for Platform, a really cool outdoor space provided by the cities of Scottsdale, Tempe, or Gilbert that fund an art student in Arizona to create a piece to be on display for the year. Here is hoping I can get all this done in the next few days. hehe.

I might be illustrating a children's book, what?!

Making art makes me happy. Getting to teach with what I make is even better, but getting to teach a kid with what I've made is the best!

Today I had the chance to submit illustration designs for my friends moms children book she is writing. My idea of illustration includes digital photography, modeling clay, found objects, and A LOT of photoshop. Haha. This girl is still not a 2D artist, but I think I have found a way to take my 3D ways and create some cool 2D illustrations.

I am really excited about this idea which will be a summer project because I have wanted to be a part of creating a children's book for years. I've played with the idea of writing one here and there, but it never came to fruition. If my designs aren't what the author is looking for for her story maybe I'll have to write my own story out and play with what I have. Who knows what's in the future with adventures in art.

This week I also have the chance to apply for a summer scholarship at school that would allow for me to buy a professional digital camera and I'm pretty stoked about the idea! This summer I'm also taking a digital photography class at Pima. Yay! Did I mention that I really love photography?! and that my black and white darkroom class this semester has influenced me a lot in how I want to make art? No, well it has. :) More details about what that means will come later.

Anywho, this summer is shaping up quite nicely. I'll miss not going back to camp, but thankfully I know God has a plan for me here. I'm not sure if that plan includes me living through the heat of a Tucson summer though. Which I haven't done in a few years, but either way, I'm a tool in His hands and will try to keep on truckin' through life and enjoying the adventure.

Um, I look different.

So this weight loss thing has been an adventure... an adventure for my psyche!!

haha. No really, I never thought I would have to get used to seeing someone different in my reflection. I look different than I did 2 years ago, not just in the size of my body changing either (I've lost 3/4" in height AND 1/2 shoe size. Not expecting that!). My face has changed (I also think aging has done a little to that too) and when I first noticed how different I looked I would stare at myself in the mirror and make faces at myself to validate that it was really me looking back. My cheek bones are more prominent, my eyes are bigger, my lips stand out in relation to their size and the rest of my features. It's weird, but a weird I like. It's a weird that I am seriously still getting used to. People I knew when I was heavy have no clue who I am now... and truthfully I have changed much more than just physically, so it's like a new Sarah exists in the world. (That's perspective for another post). Kinda weird.

I find myself looking at my collar bone, wrists and arms, my legs and feet checking out all the veins, bones, and muscles I could never see before. I can suck in and see rib definition which I honestly can say I have never seen before on myself. It's been really weird to have been in this body and not have known all of this was there.Veins in hands are squishy folks and I can now remember why I always thought playing with my moms hands when I was little was fun, now I can be entertained with my own. haha. I know I'm weird, but I am easily entertained with textures and visual stimulus.

As of today I can officially wear a size 14-16 (I'm somewhere in the 180-190's, I haven't weighed myself in a few months). I think a 14 is the size I wore in 8th grade and at that age I had no clue what I was going to turn into so I didn't know to appreciate what I had. I can cross my legs comfortably now, stand up from sitting on the floor without much movement from where I'm getting up from (prior to weight loss there was a rolling effect that had to happen), I can bend down without having to drop one knee first, I can bend my knees in and warp my arms around them when I'm sitting on the floor. I can reach and scratch all parts of my back when it itches. Who would have thought that that would feel so good?! Psyche has been handling things pretty well. haha.

I haven't yet started to regularly exercise, my weight loss has still all been about food. I'll throw it out there that every Thursday at the Farmer's Market there is a local bakery in the location where it is and I eat a glazed doughnut and sometimes a Mexican cookie too. My eating habits work for me. I eat tons of veggies and fruits with whole grains throughout the week; sometimes I eat meat, but only if I'm out at a restaurant and I'm completely craving it. I cook simply and try to not complicate my meals. Being so busy with school and work I need fast, but I want good and healthy. I really love seeing my fridge full of fresh local produce. It helps me to appreciate God more and all the He has put here on earth for us to use.

I have been starting to commute more and further on my bike so I think the fat will come off more quickly as it turns into muscle. I plan on biking throughout the summer and in the fall I'm taking a health and fitness class at school that will fulfill a gen ed requirement (just like my nutritional biology class at Pima... YAY for learning applicable knowledge and skills with the mandatory classes I have to take to get my degree!). I'm excited to actually take a PE class, that is a first in my life! I am looking forward to learning more about my body and what it can do.

Here is to life continuing to be an adventure, even if the person I am now looking at in the mirror isn't the same person who started this life adventure years ago. Yay for LIVING!

The Bestest Friends a Girl Could Ask For

The last few months have been a weeee bit hard. Hard in the sense of feeling picked on by the adversary, aka Satan, at every turn. I mean EVERY TURN! I feel him tearing down my divine parentage, my divine worth. Whispering and impressing negative thoughts about myself and others on me constantly and relentlessly. I feel him trying to overwhelm me with school and with the horribleness of the way the society is heading with all the bad that's going on (which will all receive their own posts). 

That being said, being kinda depressed (I'm not normally a depressed person, I'm usually pretty optimistic and happy, but the last couple months have been harder to be those things) is where I've been for far too long, thankfully during scripture study tonight (and a sweet inspiration during prayer three nights ago about looking to the light of Christ instead of letting the darkness overtake me) I was blessed to understand a beautiful principle in friendship and how friends can specifically share the light of Christ and be the help us in our hour of need. 

I realized while writing this that I have not done justice in my blog with talking about two of my most favoritest people in the world!! They are two of the most amazing and inspiring women I have been blessed to know and am IMMENSLY GRATEFUL I can call them my friends, my best friends actually. Michelle, aka Mechelle and Silvia, aka Silvs. 

I think the scripture explains how I feel about our friendship and what a light they truly are in my life. Also, please don't think I think I'm Moses material by any means, no sea parting for this gal, but the blessing of true friendship and trust, lifting one another during each other's times of need, is what I'm trying to convey here :) 

Scripture goes like this:

But Moses’ hands were heavy; and they took a stone, and put it under him, and he sat thereon; and Aaron and Hur stayed up his hands, the one on the one side, and the other on the other side; and his hands were steady until the going down of the sun. (Old Testament, Exodus, Exodus 17:12)

That's what these women have been doing for me during this time of "crisis" in my life. They have "stayed my hands", calmed me, braught amazing perspective to life, loved me, and dealt with my expressive crazy quite well. 

I truly am thankful for them both in my life and can't say it enough how TRULY BLESSED I AM FOR HAVING THE BEST FRIENDS A GIRL COULD ASK FOR! 

Eyes Open

Today was the culmination of a lesson The Lord has been trying to teach me over the last few months... I know, I know, there seems to be a lot of these lesson lately huh? Maybe that's just my perspective, but dude, its pretty amazing and humbling all at the same time. 

I wrote about a Priesthood blessing I got before I went to camp, about a blessing I got in the Boston temple, but I left out the one I got from my brother Scott between those two while I was visiting he and the fam in St Louis. 

The first blessings words and phrases seriously FREAKED me out, I didn't emphasize that fact so much in the post Blessings in and of the Temple, but I felt I needed another comfort blessing to help me understand the first one. The second blessing, gotten in St. Louis, didn't help me to understand the first one per say, but it rephrased what had been said by not using so scary of words which helped me.  

I don't remember the exact verbiage from the first blessing, but The Lord, through His Priesthood emphasized I need to keep my eyes open and not turn my back while always being aware of my surroundings (I wrote about some of this already in the above mentioned post, but I needed to add it in this post too so it all made sense to me while I was writing ;). I didn't however write that He also said angels will be called down in their chariots of fire to protect me against the evils I'll be facing. 

Pretty intense to say the least and it was unlike any "comfort" blessing I had ever received or had ever even heard. I pondered a lot on what was said and concluded I needed another blessing to help me understand what it all meant. 

During the second blessing my brother used more gentle verbiage, but the exact same message came through. Same as during the temple blessing too, but more clarity on the subjects, on understanding, and how to cope with what will happen in my life was the light I received along with the comforting reminder that I can rely on Jesus Christ to overcome any trial because He loves each of us. 

With time perspective I truly think the first blessing was supposed to freak me out so I would actually heed the counsel I was given instead of thinking it was a gentle metaphor and not that big of a deal. I think it helped me to give it the focus I should and I really feel spiritually and physically my eyes have been open (most of the time ) since then, seeing the good and the bad. 

Over the last seven months I have seen more and gained more perspective about the world, society, my community, my family, and myself than I knew was possible in that short amount of time. Its been a we bit overwhelming and scary, but absolutely beautiful. Beautiful now that I can see more clearly why the lessons have had to come. 

Some days I feel I'm going crazy because satan is messing with me in regards to the imperfections of societies, individuals, and myself which weighs my spirit down. I was reminded tonight however that I have God and His angels on my side to fight against the adversary who help me find peace with who I am and where I am at this moment in my life.

God is good people.  

there is always hope for the broken

6" x 11 1/2" x 13 1/4"

I really like how this piece, a combo of two completely separate pieces, came out. I made the face two years ago in my first ceramics class at Pima. I wanted to sculpt a more realistic face and kinda went the route of making a masculine face that was aesthetically appealng to me. Haha. He's cute, it's ok, you can think so too. 

He was also Raku'd and supposed to have come out a copper color, but this is what came out instead. I was sad when he came out green at first, but Ive transitioned into absolutely loving the color. Then he fell. On two different occasions. Breaking into pieces the first time and cracking more the second. 

I still loved the piece so I displayed him with my other work at home, broken and looking somewhat incomplete. 

This last semester I made the white cloth-esque piece, originally for the veggie high heel actually. However, after glazing and painting each of those pieces, they didn't go together anymore. I still really liked the cloth so I put it with all my other sculptures holding out hope it would work with something someday. 

Then last weekend that day came. I was ridiculously sick and laid in bed all Saturday afternoon and evening. Fancy that, all my sculpture pieces are in complete view from my bed. I was looking at the green man and then BAM! Impression of combining him with the cloth piece came glowing in my mind. So, despite my complete exhaustion and nausea, I got out of bed and put them together to see if they'd work. AND THEY DID!!! Yay for inspiration from Heaven on that one :) 

I titled it "there is always hope for the broken" because my green man became complete when put together with the white flowing cloth. I really do like it, I hope you all do too. 

Wo, wo.

Seriously, over the last few months I have felt more picked on by the adversary (satan is real folks and he is a poo head) than I think I have been in my whole life combined. It's been hard, but thankfully I believe in the power of deliverance through Jesus Christ. He has been able to dispel the feelings that come through that adversity when I call upon Him for help; when I pray and study the scriptures is when I am calling for help. Ive realized as I'm writing this that I should be doing more sincere study of the scriptures while also studying from modern day prophets too. I'll try to be better about that. Lesson learned in this instant, thanks Heavenly Father. 

Ok, because of said adversity, I've been a little overwhelmed thinking if its this hard now, when I'm actually trying to be better, how much harder is it going to get later if I actually become better (big leap I know, but that's what I'm aiming for;)? I don't know how much I can handle.         

     

Once those thoughts started creeping in a quote from President Monson came to mind, it goes something like this, "don't pray to have your burdens lightened, but pray that your back will be able to bear the burdens placed there-on". My definition of burden has been changing these last few weeks because of a few themes I've run across. One being a story that I've heard in the last few days told by multiple different people at different times and goes like this:

        

     There were two men walking on a path who were able to see many cities in the distance. With their keen eyes they were able to discern satan and his angels overrunning some cities while leaving others relatively alone. One man said to the other, "those cities where satan and his angels are must be very wicked cities", the other man agreed and said those with few must be full of the righteous followers of Jesus Christ. 

     As the men continued on their path they can upon an old man, hunched over carrying a heavy load, who was surrounded by evil on every side. The men assumed he too must be an evil man to be surrounded by so much evil.           

     An angel of God then appeared on their path. They pointed out their observations of the wickedness and righteousness of the people to him. The angel taught them a great lesson by clarifying that it was not the wicked who satan and his angels try to overrun and destroy, but it is the righteous he is pursuing with all earnest to take down. 

Satan is a burden. 

Another story, I promise I'll connect everything ;). This was again a story told to me in the last few days by different people in different circumstances and got me thinking...

Side note: Im trying to really recognize that when The Lord puts repetition in our lives, especially freakishly close time frames of repetition, we should really perk up an take note, hence the reason I'm journaling about it here :) 

The story goes something like this:

     There was a man walking along the beach looking in the distance; he saw a boy repeatedly bending down and throwing something into the ocean as he was walking along. As the man neared the boy, he recognized what he was throwing back into the ocean. He saw thousands of washed up starfish on the beach that had come in with the tide. He recognized that they were all going to die unless they could be put back into to water. The man stopped and talked to the boy and asked if this task was just too much, because there were so many starfish, he wouldn't be able to help them all. The man emphasized all the beaches along that coast probably had thousands of starfish washed up on them too so it probably didn't matter that the boy was throwing only a few back from this beach. The boy replied as he threw another one back in the water, "it matters to that one".

Being overwhelmed is a burden I place on myself, I don't need to be overwhelmed because I have Jesus Christ. I know that I matter to Him. I know as long as I try and put my trust and my will in the hands of The Lord, I'll receive deliverence from the weight of my burdens; Burdens I may put on my own back by not being kind, by being selfish, or being prideful. Burdens that may stay on my back because I haven't forgiven someone or myself or I haven't truly repented of/for something. Those are the burdens that satans adds weight to too, but he will also throw in self doubt, and self pity, anything to tear us down. 

I was reading my patriarchal blessing last night and there is a phrase that gives me hope which I haven't fully appreciated until now. It says when adversity is affecting me, which it will, I need to pray for the strength to endure or for the power to overcome those adversities. I see how having strength to endure can ease the satan induced burdens while having the power to overcome can ease the self imposed ones. 

God sure does love me. He really does know me, especially how to teach me. I'm a parable loving kind of gal and those two repeated stories were what I needed to hear along with my patriarchal blessing and a quote from the prophet to learn the lesson of burdens He wanted to teach me. 

I really REALLY love Him. 

     

I'm that loud neighbor.

So... 

I highly dislike apartment living for many a reason, but most recently, since getting new downstairs neighbors, it's because of the thinness of our walls/floors/ceilings. 

A few months ago, after having the missionaries over for dinner there was a loud knocking on our floor from the new neighbors below. To say the least I was annoyed. So I went downstairs to see what the problem was. Passive aggressive and I don't get along that well and I've learned that communicating or trying to is always better than not trying to understand where someone is coming from. 

I told myself I was going to be nice and said a silent prayer to help me accomplish that. God truly answered that prayer because I stood at a half opened door while the woman neighbor sat on her couch, while her boyfriend held the door open for her, swearing at me and calling me an elephant. I profusouly apologized for making noise and asked them to see that our apartments are not top quality so noise should be expected sometimes and that I'm a big girl, noise should be expected. While I was talking though I did try to recognize that we could truly be at fault for being loud, and that it wasn't just the neighbors being rude. I had to keep reminding myself to be Christlike though and do what I think He would do. Be a disciple in word and deed. Its hard, but I tried to let them know we would try and be quieter and said sorry again. 

Once I got upstairs I realized that the main culprit for the noise making was our dining room chairs moving across the floor, and vowed to try and be quieter. I did recognize we were loud other ways too and have tried since then to be conscious of my neighbors and the noise we make. 

Then last month my niece and nephew were over for dinner and kept making noise on the floor that I was sure was going to perturb the neighbors. Sure enough within the hour that knock on the floor came again. I had told the kids to be quieter to no avail so when that knock came we, the kids and I, marched downstairs to apologize. The kids apologized to the teenage daughter who answered the door. Mom was in the kitchen listening. They accepted the apology and closed the door. 

One night later that week the neighbors music got really loud with a lot if bass and was loud enough to rattle my floor. I happily went to politely, I'm not being sarcastic I wanted to be nice, ask them to turn their music down a little. I knocked and knocked, waited patiently, and knocked one last time. The last knock had someone peek out the peep hole which is when I waved at them. Haha. They moved away from the peep hole and then moved back again. So I waived again and asked through the closed door if they would please turn their music down. They did after the last song. Thanks neighbors. 

Now onto tonight, which is a few weeks later, I was doing hair for my sisters friend and her two kids were here too. They made some loud noises so as soon as they left I was going to go down to apologize. Woooo, that was fun. As I was heading out the door loud music with a lot of bass starting playing. I thought great, this is going to go well. 

Anywho, the mom answered the door this time, no swearing, but she proceeded to tell me that every time we were loud her boyfriend was going to turn the music up louder. I apologized again and tried to see if there was anything we could do to help them not be as frustrated with out noise? Apparently nothing would help. I went back upstairs and prayed. 

I prayed that I would be forgiven that I hadn't tried to befriend the family and had allowed satan to mess with us. I apologized for making noise and asked that our neighbors hearts would soften and we could one day be friends. I prayed that we would be able to be quieter. 

We then endured the music and bass for an hour before I called to report them to our complex security guard. The music is off now and tomorrow I get to go and talk to the office about the problem and see if they would be willing to mediate a conversation between my neighbor and I if this happens again. 

Oh the joys of being a grown up. I am thankful I have the gospel in my life that is teaching me to be accountable for my actions and helping me to love even when I don't always want to. Pray for us. 

Maybe I'll try making them cookies, that would work for me ;)