New spiritual prompting people. Not a surprising one, but one that still hit me pretty good which has caused me to think about it for a while now. Pride is evil! In every sense of the word, not good, but very, Very, VERY BAD! Pride is the one thing that will break up families, tear down individuals, sever relationships, ruin friendships, bring down countries. Pride is the cause of wars, bloodshed, and is a cause of many tears.
It is such an individual character flaw, that I think it can be the great downfall to us all. It is the one gift of mortality that is given to almost all. There are a choice few spirits who have been given the ability to be humble always. It is a blessing not a curse to be humble.
With the experience from my last post, I have come to realize, that even though praying for humility is not always the funnest thing to do, because we all know that that is the one prayer that is always answered. At least we are a little bit more mentally prepared when it comes because we have been praying for it than when we have to be spiritually reprimanded and humbled by the Lord because we have let our pride override our humility and haven’t prayed for it.
Lesson learned. Pray for humility.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Prayer. Answered. Check.
It’s a funny thing prayer. Funny in the most respectful and amazing way possible! So here is my life update as of October 26, 2010. If some of you didn’t know, I’m going to give a little bit more back info on myself here to catch you up with today. Nice how our past affects our future huh? Haha. This is a really long way to explain this, but humor me, its semi entertaining.
When I was 21, I went through beauty school in Tucson Arizona. I worked full time at St. Mary’s Hospital, working the 11pm-7am shift Tues-Sat and going to school Mon-Fri 3pm-9pm. Looking back it amazes me the love of God and the strength He gives each of us without us even knowing about it when we are doing something that He has asked us to do. Beauty school was one of those things that kinda just happened for me. It happened in a way that looking back I know I didn’t have control of it happening.
By that time, I had stopped “playing” and started to straighten my life out. I wasn’t at the “going to church” stage yet, but I felt the need to start going. I started reading The Book of Mormon more frequently and reading my Patriarchal Blessing. I’ve come to realize recently, that “baby steps” were needed for my testimony to grow and to be strengthened. I guess that’s really how it works for everyone. *grin* All thanks goes to a conversation I had with my sister. Learning to run isn’t done overnight. By learning first how to walk by putting one foot in front of the other and building up endurance and strength, running isn’t a problem, well at least not as much of one anyway.
OK, back to the subject. Beauty school was one of the least favorite experiences of my life! Not the learning all the fun hair, nail, and skin stuff, I absolutely LOVE that, but the drama of girls was so not my favorite! I learned that being around people who live “of the world” was hard. I’m not saying I wasn’t one of the drama girls all the time, because that was during one of the emotionally special years of a girl’s life, and well, I am a girl. It was tough! I was this little girl from Salt Lake who threw herself/had been thrown into a situation where every emotion would be challenged, every moral fiber would either be reinforced or broken and physical exhaustion combined with those two things was a bad idea, along with the fact that I was still building my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Again, beauty school was not one of my favorite places.
Funny side note, my favorite Bishop told me once that you could never pay him enough to be in his 20’s again. He said you go through so many emotional ups and downs that he would never want to experience that again! TRUE DAT YO! Get me to my 30’s and mental sanity please! Haha.
I think by the time I was actually done with school and got my license that I was so burnt out, that doing hair was the farthest desire from my mind. Even if I did love doing it, the bad experience totally outweighed the good for me. It took me a little over 2 years before I went to work in a salon. I still did cuts and colors at home, but it’s not the same.
I went to work at SuperCuts. It only took me a few months of the Lord telling me I should go to a salon for me to actually do it. It ended up being such a great place for learning and growing. It gave me the confidence to stand behind someone and the knowledge to actually know what I was doing once I was back there. I learned so much about people and made some good friends, I learned so much about myself! I was there for almost two years, and left right before I moved up to Salt Lake. I was so thankful that I listened when I did because the blessings of spiritual, physical, and mental growth wouldn’t have come in the same way if I hadn’t gone to work there. Being led by the spirit is one of the sweetest experiences of life. If only I would have listened sooner. Who knows what blessings/learning could have taken place if I listened sooner. Hind sight is 20/20 I guess.
Now onto the way my Salt Lake adventure started. I had quit SuperCuts in February, being a little burnt out on just cutting hair, but I was still working at St. Mary’s, I had left the ICU and went to their Staffing Office, which was not my favorite. So, when I felt impressed that I needed to head up the Salt Lake for the summer of 2008, I was all excited.
It was really sweet. I had a plan, I had goals. I had a lot of spiritual revelation and insight on what I was supposed to do and how to do it. I was going up for a career change. I flew up to Salt Lake in May for a few job interviews and had two jobs set up for when I moved up the first of June that were going to last the summer. I was a cooking instructor for a kid’s summer camp, which pretty much rocked! It was hard, but so much fun! I also worked part time at a catering company as a prep cook. I learned so much! To work under a chef that I was able to ask questions to was ahhhhmazing!
I loved being back in Salt Lake, so when the impression came to move up there, I was pretty excited. The catering job turned into a full time gig and I found a place to live. Blessing also was that my friend was moving up from Tucson too and she was able to bring up some of my stuff with her, we were also roommates when she moved up. Side note: My car engine blew the day before I flew up to Salt Lake in May, so my plan to drive my car and bring my stuff with me then kinda changed to packing two big boxes of goodies and flew up. I sub leased a girls room for that summer so I had a bed, no worries there. Everything seriously worked out amazingly! There are true blessings from following the Lord. It’s like He sees the big picture and knows what is happening in our lives.
I bought a bike when I first moved up, again, no car, so I biked everywhere that summer. When you ride a bike and wear a helmet all summer in the heat that equals hair not being done, make-up not being worn, or not dressing in anything but t-shirts. It was kinda refreshing, but not, all at the same time. I’ve learned in the last few months that I am a true Princess and I like the whole dressing up, doing my hair, make-up, and nails thing. Good thing I’m heading back into the Cosmetology world, but that’s a whole other story.
In Salt Lake I was in a great ward with one of the most amazing Bishops ever! Bishop Charles (Chuck) Schwab (he was the “funny side note” earlier in this post.) Seriously one of the sweetest and spiritual men I have ever met and someone who is always willing to let me learn in my time and let me know that he was there if ever I needed him. He was there to support and encourage me during all the emotional specialness that was my mid 20’s.
I lived in an apartment with a friend for the first year or so up in Salt Lake which was another amazing learning experience. The things I learned there might be mentioned in future posts, so keep an eye out. I eventually moved in with Riley and Silvia. (Brother and sister-in-law) I had some of the sweetest and most spiritual conversations with Silvia and learned that Riley and I can actually get along as adults and we’re a lot more alike than I ever imagined.
I eventually left the catering company which by then had turned into a full time job, and started working at the University Hospital. The Neuro Acute Care Unit was pretty much the best place to learn. Seriously yo, I learned a lot!
There is no doubt in my mind that things were working out the way that they were supposed to. The Lord had a plan and my will was becoming more aligned with His every day. I understood that and was so excited! I tried to go to the Temple every week. I can say that that was one of the most amazing blessings of being in Utah. I partook of the Temple as often as possible and am quite sure that my learning wouldn’t have been as quick or as sweet without the Temple.
During this whole time I had adventures with dating/not dating and the emotional ups and downs that come along with it. Good example: Hot Man. There might be future blog posts about past adventures with guys besides Hot Man because they also allowed me to grow in one way or another. It’s like I was being prepared to Find My Ore or something.
Now onto how this all applies to today…
I went back to beauty school this year from May 11-Sep 4. Seriously?! You may ask? Yes. Yes, I did. It wasn’t by choice though, it was by necessity. My Arizona license didn’t carry over to Utah. And since the Spirit was poking at me again to get back into doing hair full time, I needed my Utah license to do that, which meant that I needed to go back to school for 400hrs (the difference between the two states requirements). It was the best thing I could have done! Ever! I learned so many things! I love that industry! I learned I want to teach and if I do say so myself, I’m not too shabby with the teaching skills.
I met some really amazing people, both students and clients. It was fun again and selfishly, it was a self esteem boost to go to school each day, the girls would always tell me how good I was. It’s nice to hear that once in awhile. It’s like I knew exactly what I was doing because I had been doing it for years or something and they were all brand new, just learning. It did feel good to be able to reassure the girls that were there, that one day, it would be easier and it would feel a lot more natural than it did at the moment. Anywho, I also have a job waiting for me there when I get back to Utah, if I do end up being back there by January.
During the last month of school, I started feeling the prompting that I needed to take a “break” from Utah and head down to my family in Tucson for a bit. The feeling was that I would be gone for about 3months, but I would be heading back up to Utah. It was a peaceful feeling, and one I knew needed to happen. I prayed, fasted, and went to the Temple. I was sad with the idea of leaving a beautiful fall in Utah, and then leaving a beautiful winter in Arizona, but still, the peaceful feeling stayed and I knew I needed to get ready for the mini move. I quit my job at the hospital, hopefully said all my goodbyes, “I’ll be back soon”, I packed up my car, put everything that didn’t fit into storage and was off.
I got to Tucson in the early morning of September 8th, around 1am. Boy was I tired, but that tired doesn’t even compare to the tired to come. I had more arguing and frustrating conversations with my mom and sister than I think I have in my whole life within the first two weeks of getting here! My mom ended up having foot surgery the week after I got here, so I was taking care of three kiddos, 9, 4, 2 ½, while my sister was at work. Exhaustion, pure exhaustion.
Let me tell you something. I never thought that being a mom would be so difficult. I was actually anti ever having kids and getting married for a good month or so. As of today, I am slowly coming back around to the idea, but man, it threw me through a freaking loop. On top of the taking care of a mom who couldn’t walk and three loving, smart, MONSTER children (I’m mostly joking, but holy cow, the babes were feisty. It probably didn’t help that I am nothing like their mom and I don’t let them get away with the same stuff.) I got the flu. Ahhhh!
Spiritually I was tired, physically I was tired and man, there is only so much personal reflection that should be allowed before it becomes more harmful than good, which also means I was mentally tired. That talk I wrote on pride that I posted, and what I thought my need for humility was, wasn’t even close to what I went through when I got here.
Needless to say, I wanted to go home. Not just a little bit, but a lot of bit. I wanted my own space, my own time, my own everything again. I had been independent for a long time and I am a stubborn person who has grown to like things her way. It’s like I’m single and 28 or something (which I just realized when I put it that way isn’t old at all, but still, I’m stubborn.)
I had made up my mind. I was going to go home. I wasn’t being the best Sarah I could be here, I was mean, rude, disconnected from the Spirit and downright annoying. (you may be thinking that is always how I am, but I was extra worse here *wink*) I would wait it out until the second week of October, but I was going to go home. My mom had her birthday, Jakob had his, and we would celebrate Jonahs before I left, so all was ready to go. I started to tell people I was coming home. My friends up in Salt Lake were excited, I told Silvia and Riley and things were going to work out great with me being back so soon. The only problem was, that whenever I said I was going back, I KNEW, that I wasn’t.
I tried to fight it, I cried, ok, not just cried, but broke down about it on multiple occasions. I had my life planned up in Utah. I had my friends there. I had work figured out, and my goals were set. I was ready to go. Remember that whole me being “prideful” thing? Yeah, that’s what was kicking my butt for a few weeks. Pride. And then… one morning after having a rough night, the sweetest feeling came over me. It went kind of like this. Sarah, you have been praying for your family, you have been fasting for your family. The things you been praying for can be answered by you staying, even if it’s just for a little bit.
HOLY COW! I had been praying for this?! I took it a little rough. It’s totally true though. Not to sound cocky, but I am an answer to my own prayers. Chew on that one, because I was dumb enough never to realize the simplicity of that. We can be answers to our own prayers. It ties back to faith being an action word. Kinda cool huh? The mini move down here was for sure to help my family, but it was for me too. I don’t think if I didn’t experience some of the extremes of emotions that I went through those first few weeks, they would never have sunk in the same way in any other situation.
I got a Priesthood Blessing the following Sunday and it was so sweet. Peace and strength were offered. I know I need to be here. I know I am here for a reason, again, for myself just as much for my family. I know that family is more important than ANYTHING and if we have the chance to be a strength to those we love, we should always do it willingly, not grudgingly.
How many times in this post had I been blessed with answered prayers, with promptings to do things, and each time there have been blessings that came. I should not doubt the Lord, but I should accept His will as my own. Do what He has asked me to do with a broken heart and contrite spirit. It’s the seeing my life in the big puzzle or picture scenario again, the Lord sees it, I do not. If he sees the beauty of it in its entirety, I should trust in His judgment and keep moving forward and see the beauty in the piece or pieces He allows me to see.
I love the Lord. I love my Savior Jesus Christ and am truly thankful for the power of repentance. I am thankful for the ability to ask forgiveness from our Father and learn from our mistakes.
When I was 21, I went through beauty school in Tucson Arizona. I worked full time at St. Mary’s Hospital, working the 11pm-7am shift Tues-Sat and going to school Mon-Fri 3pm-9pm. Looking back it amazes me the love of God and the strength He gives each of us without us even knowing about it when we are doing something that He has asked us to do. Beauty school was one of those things that kinda just happened for me. It happened in a way that looking back I know I didn’t have control of it happening.
By that time, I had stopped “playing” and started to straighten my life out. I wasn’t at the “going to church” stage yet, but I felt the need to start going. I started reading The Book of Mormon more frequently and reading my Patriarchal Blessing. I’ve come to realize recently, that “baby steps” were needed for my testimony to grow and to be strengthened. I guess that’s really how it works for everyone. *grin* All thanks goes to a conversation I had with my sister. Learning to run isn’t done overnight. By learning first how to walk by putting one foot in front of the other and building up endurance and strength, running isn’t a problem, well at least not as much of one anyway.
OK, back to the subject. Beauty school was one of the least favorite experiences of my life! Not the learning all the fun hair, nail, and skin stuff, I absolutely LOVE that, but the drama of girls was so not my favorite! I learned that being around people who live “of the world” was hard. I’m not saying I wasn’t one of the drama girls all the time, because that was during one of the emotionally special years of a girl’s life, and well, I am a girl. It was tough! I was this little girl from Salt Lake who threw herself/had been thrown into a situation where every emotion would be challenged, every moral fiber would either be reinforced or broken and physical exhaustion combined with those two things was a bad idea, along with the fact that I was still building my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Again, beauty school was not one of my favorite places.
Funny side note, my favorite Bishop told me once that you could never pay him enough to be in his 20’s again. He said you go through so many emotional ups and downs that he would never want to experience that again! TRUE DAT YO! Get me to my 30’s and mental sanity please! Haha.
I think by the time I was actually done with school and got my license that I was so burnt out, that doing hair was the farthest desire from my mind. Even if I did love doing it, the bad experience totally outweighed the good for me. It took me a little over 2 years before I went to work in a salon. I still did cuts and colors at home, but it’s not the same.
I went to work at SuperCuts. It only took me a few months of the Lord telling me I should go to a salon for me to actually do it. It ended up being such a great place for learning and growing. It gave me the confidence to stand behind someone and the knowledge to actually know what I was doing once I was back there. I learned so much about people and made some good friends, I learned so much about myself! I was there for almost two years, and left right before I moved up to Salt Lake. I was so thankful that I listened when I did because the blessings of spiritual, physical, and mental growth wouldn’t have come in the same way if I hadn’t gone to work there. Being led by the spirit is one of the sweetest experiences of life. If only I would have listened sooner. Who knows what blessings/learning could have taken place if I listened sooner. Hind sight is 20/20 I guess.
Now onto the way my Salt Lake adventure started. I had quit SuperCuts in February, being a little burnt out on just cutting hair, but I was still working at St. Mary’s, I had left the ICU and went to their Staffing Office, which was not my favorite. So, when I felt impressed that I needed to head up the Salt Lake for the summer of 2008, I was all excited.
It was really sweet. I had a plan, I had goals. I had a lot of spiritual revelation and insight on what I was supposed to do and how to do it. I was going up for a career change. I flew up to Salt Lake in May for a few job interviews and had two jobs set up for when I moved up the first of June that were going to last the summer. I was a cooking instructor for a kid’s summer camp, which pretty much rocked! It was hard, but so much fun! I also worked part time at a catering company as a prep cook. I learned so much! To work under a chef that I was able to ask questions to was ahhhhmazing!
I loved being back in Salt Lake, so when the impression came to move up there, I was pretty excited. The catering job turned into a full time gig and I found a place to live. Blessing also was that my friend was moving up from Tucson too and she was able to bring up some of my stuff with her, we were also roommates when she moved up. Side note: My car engine blew the day before I flew up to Salt Lake in May, so my plan to drive my car and bring my stuff with me then kinda changed to packing two big boxes of goodies and flew up. I sub leased a girls room for that summer so I had a bed, no worries there. Everything seriously worked out amazingly! There are true blessings from following the Lord. It’s like He sees the big picture and knows what is happening in our lives.
I bought a bike when I first moved up, again, no car, so I biked everywhere that summer. When you ride a bike and wear a helmet all summer in the heat that equals hair not being done, make-up not being worn, or not dressing in anything but t-shirts. It was kinda refreshing, but not, all at the same time. I’ve learned in the last few months that I am a true Princess and I like the whole dressing up, doing my hair, make-up, and nails thing. Good thing I’m heading back into the Cosmetology world, but that’s a whole other story.
In Salt Lake I was in a great ward with one of the most amazing Bishops ever! Bishop Charles (Chuck) Schwab (he was the “funny side note” earlier in this post.) Seriously one of the sweetest and spiritual men I have ever met and someone who is always willing to let me learn in my time and let me know that he was there if ever I needed him. He was there to support and encourage me during all the emotional specialness that was my mid 20’s.
I lived in an apartment with a friend for the first year or so up in Salt Lake which was another amazing learning experience. The things I learned there might be mentioned in future posts, so keep an eye out. I eventually moved in with Riley and Silvia. (Brother and sister-in-law) I had some of the sweetest and most spiritual conversations with Silvia and learned that Riley and I can actually get along as adults and we’re a lot more alike than I ever imagined.
I eventually left the catering company which by then had turned into a full time job, and started working at the University Hospital. The Neuro Acute Care Unit was pretty much the best place to learn. Seriously yo, I learned a lot!
There is no doubt in my mind that things were working out the way that they were supposed to. The Lord had a plan and my will was becoming more aligned with His every day. I understood that and was so excited! I tried to go to the Temple every week. I can say that that was one of the most amazing blessings of being in Utah. I partook of the Temple as often as possible and am quite sure that my learning wouldn’t have been as quick or as sweet without the Temple.
During this whole time I had adventures with dating/not dating and the emotional ups and downs that come along with it. Good example: Hot Man. There might be future blog posts about past adventures with guys besides Hot Man because they also allowed me to grow in one way or another. It’s like I was being prepared to Find My Ore or something.
Now onto how this all applies to today…
I went back to beauty school this year from May 11-Sep 4. Seriously?! You may ask? Yes. Yes, I did. It wasn’t by choice though, it was by necessity. My Arizona license didn’t carry over to Utah. And since the Spirit was poking at me again to get back into doing hair full time, I needed my Utah license to do that, which meant that I needed to go back to school for 400hrs (the difference between the two states requirements). It was the best thing I could have done! Ever! I learned so many things! I love that industry! I learned I want to teach and if I do say so myself, I’m not too shabby with the teaching skills.
I met some really amazing people, both students and clients. It was fun again and selfishly, it was a self esteem boost to go to school each day, the girls would always tell me how good I was. It’s nice to hear that once in awhile. It’s like I knew exactly what I was doing because I had been doing it for years or something and they were all brand new, just learning. It did feel good to be able to reassure the girls that were there, that one day, it would be easier and it would feel a lot more natural than it did at the moment. Anywho, I also have a job waiting for me there when I get back to Utah, if I do end up being back there by January.
During the last month of school, I started feeling the prompting that I needed to take a “break” from Utah and head down to my family in Tucson for a bit. The feeling was that I would be gone for about 3months, but I would be heading back up to Utah. It was a peaceful feeling, and one I knew needed to happen. I prayed, fasted, and went to the Temple. I was sad with the idea of leaving a beautiful fall in Utah, and then leaving a beautiful winter in Arizona, but still, the peaceful feeling stayed and I knew I needed to get ready for the mini move. I quit my job at the hospital, hopefully said all my goodbyes, “I’ll be back soon”, I packed up my car, put everything that didn’t fit into storage and was off.
I got to Tucson in the early morning of September 8th, around 1am. Boy was I tired, but that tired doesn’t even compare to the tired to come. I had more arguing and frustrating conversations with my mom and sister than I think I have in my whole life within the first two weeks of getting here! My mom ended up having foot surgery the week after I got here, so I was taking care of three kiddos, 9, 4, 2 ½, while my sister was at work. Exhaustion, pure exhaustion.
Let me tell you something. I never thought that being a mom would be so difficult. I was actually anti ever having kids and getting married for a good month or so. As of today, I am slowly coming back around to the idea, but man, it threw me through a freaking loop. On top of the taking care of a mom who couldn’t walk and three loving, smart, MONSTER children (I’m mostly joking, but holy cow, the babes were feisty. It probably didn’t help that I am nothing like their mom and I don’t let them get away with the same stuff.) I got the flu. Ahhhh!
Spiritually I was tired, physically I was tired and man, there is only so much personal reflection that should be allowed before it becomes more harmful than good, which also means I was mentally tired. That talk I wrote on pride that I posted, and what I thought my need for humility was, wasn’t even close to what I went through when I got here.
Needless to say, I wanted to go home. Not just a little bit, but a lot of bit. I wanted my own space, my own time, my own everything again. I had been independent for a long time and I am a stubborn person who has grown to like things her way. It’s like I’m single and 28 or something (which I just realized when I put it that way isn’t old at all, but still, I’m stubborn.)
I had made up my mind. I was going to go home. I wasn’t being the best Sarah I could be here, I was mean, rude, disconnected from the Spirit and downright annoying. (you may be thinking that is always how I am, but I was extra worse here *wink*) I would wait it out until the second week of October, but I was going to go home. My mom had her birthday, Jakob had his, and we would celebrate Jonahs before I left, so all was ready to go. I started to tell people I was coming home. My friends up in Salt Lake were excited, I told Silvia and Riley and things were going to work out great with me being back so soon. The only problem was, that whenever I said I was going back, I KNEW, that I wasn’t.
I tried to fight it, I cried, ok, not just cried, but broke down about it on multiple occasions. I had my life planned up in Utah. I had my friends there. I had work figured out, and my goals were set. I was ready to go. Remember that whole me being “prideful” thing? Yeah, that’s what was kicking my butt for a few weeks. Pride. And then… one morning after having a rough night, the sweetest feeling came over me. It went kind of like this. Sarah, you have been praying for your family, you have been fasting for your family. The things you been praying for can be answered by you staying, even if it’s just for a little bit.
HOLY COW! I had been praying for this?! I took it a little rough. It’s totally true though. Not to sound cocky, but I am an answer to my own prayers. Chew on that one, because I was dumb enough never to realize the simplicity of that. We can be answers to our own prayers. It ties back to faith being an action word. Kinda cool huh? The mini move down here was for sure to help my family, but it was for me too. I don’t think if I didn’t experience some of the extremes of emotions that I went through those first few weeks, they would never have sunk in the same way in any other situation.
I got a Priesthood Blessing the following Sunday and it was so sweet. Peace and strength were offered. I know I need to be here. I know I am here for a reason, again, for myself just as much for my family. I know that family is more important than ANYTHING and if we have the chance to be a strength to those we love, we should always do it willingly, not grudgingly.
How many times in this post had I been blessed with answered prayers, with promptings to do things, and each time there have been blessings that came. I should not doubt the Lord, but I should accept His will as my own. Do what He has asked me to do with a broken heart and contrite spirit. It’s the seeing my life in the big puzzle or picture scenario again, the Lord sees it, I do not. If he sees the beauty of it in its entirety, I should trust in His judgment and keep moving forward and see the beauty in the piece or pieces He allows me to see.
I love the Lord. I love my Savior Jesus Christ and am truly thankful for the power of repentance. I am thankful for the ability to ask forgiveness from our Father and learn from our mistakes.
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