No More Emotional Investment in Crushes = Sanity!

I guess I should update you about the "There is this Guy" post...

Tyler is just a friend... well I hope we are at least friends. He has been weird and hasn't responded to emails lately, but whatev. He is a guy and when they are only interested in being friends or acquaintances, I don't think they invest in more communication than socially necessary. I figure he doesn't like me by his obvious lack of communicating. I really don't have a problem with  him not liking me though.

Thankfully this getting older thing, I'm not worried about it. It's an odd feeling to change from wanting to be liked by a specific guy a few years ago, to being okay with it, when that specific guy doesn't like me. Don't get me wrong, I still want to be liked by the right guy, at the right time, it's just that I'm not emotionally invested in "crushes" or potential "crushes" like I used to be. It's all kinds of refreshing.

p.s. Today (September 30) I realized why Tyler might not be responding... maybe he has read ze blog! If that is the case Tyler, don't worry, I won't think you like me now if you actually respond. Just so ya know. lol.

Will Never Forget

Where were you that fateful day? September 11, 2001? I was at home with my mom and oldest brother, Scott. I was 19, still living in Salt Lake. We were all getting ready for work; it was only 6am, but the television was randomly on. I don't remember who turned it on, but somehow it was on a news station. Scott called out from the front room that there was an accident being reported out of New York City, that a plane had hit one of the World Trade Center buildings. The news was talking about how sad it was, how it could have been an accident, as we watched "live" feed of what was happening. Then... the other plane hit.

I headed out of the house to work, kind of numb, because I didn't understand what the news was saying about a possible "terrorist" attack. I didn't even fully know what a terrorist was. I never imagined anything bad could happen to us here in America. We're America, bad things just didn't happen to us like that.

I worked for Ampco System Parking at the time, and was confined to one of those little parking booths outside in a downtown lot. I had a mini television/radio with me, so I turned on the news when I got to work and watched in horror as news about the plane hitting The Pentagon and the other plane crashing before hitting it's target came on. I listened and felt the emotions that were coming through the reporters that day... and the days that followed.

Over the past 10 years, the world has changed a lot. Over the past 10 years, I have changed a lot. I am by no means thankful for the tragedy of September 11, 2001, but I am thankful for all that I have learned from it. It helped to open my eyes and sparked a desire within myself to learn about the world, to learn about relationships, and to recognize the need for charity towards my fellow men. September 11, 2001 helped me to recognize God and Jesus Christ as those who are able to bring peace, comfort, and reassurance in a troubled world.

I have been thinking a lot about the Second Coming of Jesus Christ and how important it is for me to recognize the signs of the times. I sometimes get overwhelmed with all the "bad" I see, hear, read, and feel from the world, that I forget to look for the Light of Christ! There are calamities that have been foretold in scripture, more destruction that I feel will still take place, but I am trying to not fear, but to look to the Light of Christ for comfort and joy!

Now onto today. At this moment, it is 10:46pm and my head is throbbing. A lot is going on with family and friends... and even within myself. I know that I can trust in my Savior though, I can place my burdens on Him and He will carry them through mortality for me or reassure me that "my back can carry the burdens placed there on". I know I can listen and read the words of His Prophets to find the answers I need. I know I can pray, and fast, and study the scriptures. I have faith that my head will stop throbbing, metaphorically as much as physically. I know Jesus Christ can bring the peace I so need right now.

I have a very nice framed picture of Christ on my main front room wall. I find myself looking towards it more and more these days. I feel peace, I feel love, I feel everything will be okay when I look towards it. The key point there, I have to look towards Christ! And looking, I am doing now!

I've heard two songs today that bring together these two thoughts, the tragedy of September 11th,  and how my life is right now... They are "I Believe in Christ" and "Amazing Grace" (both performed by the Mormon Tabernacle Choir)

What a sweet feeling it is to know, Christ is coming! I should be looking forward to that great day with JOY, not fear. May God be with all of us until that day!

God Bless!

Prospective Ore: Read This!

The original post has been removed because it is now being updated under the Prospective Ore: Read This tab located at the top of the blog :)

Hodge Podge of Randomness

School is going really good! I really like it! Especially Sign and Art! I am excited, I also signed up for an Institute class! It is AWESOME! It's The Pearl of Great Price class and last week was just cool! The Spirit was very strong and I feel I learned a lot! I'm glad I followed the impression to take this specific class, on this specific day. Randomly, it is a class of the "fuddy duddies" to quote a friend, which is to say, a class of folks all over 25. There are only 12 of us, and 6 of them are married couples taking the class together, along with 2 guys that are married and taking it without the wife, and the rest are myself and 2 other single girls. It's really nice not to be around the younger singles crowd. Not that I don't like them, I'm just in a completely different place in my life right now.

I'm a little late on the uptake with Institute. Sad I know. I've been told that I should be taking Institute classes and I know that this is one area, that I have slacked in. My main excuse for not always going, was, I wasn't ever a "student". I did however take an occasional night Institute class, which was better than nothin'. I am now 29, and feel a desire to go the Institute now more than ever. Maybe it's because I am actually a student? And the fact that President Monson, has asked for 18-30 year old's to "make institute a priority." There are a lot of blessings promised if you participate in Institute, see look here

Well, I don't know how to transition away from those thoughts, so... new subject time :)

Making the Temple a priority! I have jumped in with both feet when it comes to trying to socialize with the 25 plus singles crowd. I organize a monthly Temple trip, where we carpool up, share the cost of gas, and then hit up a fun local Mesa/Gilbert/Chandler restaurant for lunch. The first month, we had 8 people go, this last weekend, I know it was a holiday, but it was only myself and another girl. I want the Temple to always be a priority for me, so I'll keep up with organizing these trips. I think it's a great opportunity to meet new people, have good conversation, eat good food, and most importantly SERVE in the House of the Lord! I really hope more people join in for future trips. (Im a organizin' a book club for the same singles crowd too.) There's also another big event in the works for 25+ singles, a hike up Mt. Lemmon. Which I'm totally excited for.

I'm excited, because today I went on a 4 mile hike with T&G, and our friends Dallin and Dave. It was really nice! Hard in some places, because come on people, I am not in good shape, but it was really beautiful, and really cool! I was so proud of me! I did the whole thing, I didn't give up, so let me say it again, I WENT ON A 4 MILE HIKE!!!

I want it to be the jump start I need to get into shape. Because I really enjoyed it! FYI: I'm going to start walking/jogging again and swimming more. I want to be an active mom in the future, and I can't do that the way I am now. You know, the not in shape thing kinda hinders adventuring. It's really nice to see the timing of it all and the fact the Lord does answer prayers. I've been praying for a desire to change my health habits, so I usually eat good and healthy, no fast food, and I only eat out on occasion with friends. It only makes sense that by working out too, a healthier me should totally emerge. Yay healthy Sarah!

Also, this holiday weekend has rocked! I got to go to the Temple, spend time with friends, go the King Tut exhibit, eat some homemade ice cream, go to the car show. I spent time with my nephews, playin' with some Legos, went to church, taught about Temples in Primary, made some tasty meatloaf, played Hoopla! (the BEST game ever! :), ate some more homemade ice cream, this time, honey ginger flavor, had some really good conversation, had pumpkin pancakes, hiked in the chilly mountain air and topped it all off with some super tasty chocolate gilato. (so maybe this weekend wasn't my best "eating healthy" weekend, bwhahaha) and a nap. Alright, I've also gone over homework and reading assignments for school, but that just wasn't as fun as the rest of the stuff I did this weekend, so it only gets a minor mention ;)

I also learned this weekend a few things about what I am looking for in my Ore. Temple worthy! Temple attending! Service oriented! Likes to talk, and the funniest thing I realized though, is I really need to find some who loves to teach. Not necessarily a teacher, but just someone who won't get annoyed with all of the questions I ask. Cause I realize, I ask A LOT of questions! And really, it might get annoying if he isn't someone who likes to converse, you know, have the conversations that you can be a teacher and a student. Which I really think this life is all about, learning and teaching, but that thinking is going to be it's own post *wink*

I read a questionnaire a few weeks ago about Mormon dating... one of the questions was, "what are three deal breakers in who you would date (besides not being temple worthy)?" It took me a while to come up with some, but I thought, hey, why not share with you all what I feel are my "deal breakers". It'll help me if you have insight on this subject as well, so feel free to comment :)

One: He doesn't have a desire to LIVE. He is content with where life is taking him and he has no desire to or is not willing to direct his own paths or to move upward, he is content on level ground.
Two: He is not a hard worker. He is okay not giving his all.
Three: He doesn't want to, or doesn't like to talk about the Gospel. He doesn't recognize or appreciate that it is in every aspect of his life.

Does that make me to picky? I think not. I don't think in this case I am asking to much, because I do feel that I try to do all of these things. It's not the, "well you can't ask for it in someone else, if you don't do it yourself" kind of thing. I really feel like I try to live, work hard, and recognize and appreciate the Gospel in my life, and try is the key word here. As long as he is trying, that's what matters.

Now onto thoughts about my calling... Since I have started receiving callings in church, around 21, they have usually only lasted about a year at a time. It's weird. I have either moved out of a ward, boundaries have changed so the ward had to be re vamped, or I just get a new calling at that year mark. My year mark for my primary calling is coming up this month... I wonder if something is going to change? Just a thought to throw out there. I'll let ya know if it does.

Also, where should I live? I recognize I still need to be in Tucson. It makes the most sense right now and feels right. School is cheaper, my mom and sister/family are here and I'm having some pretty fun life adventures, so I don't want to leave right away, but, I also don't want to live here forever. I am pretty open to trying a new place. I do love Arizona, so maybe another city here? I also love Utah, but hey, I might also love Missouri, or New Hampshire, or Texas, or Ohio... I'll have to think about this one later... I'm single and my options are almost limitless. We'll see how the next year or two plays out.

Well, I think that is a good hodge podge of randomness for one night. Until next time. Here are some of the thoughts going on my my noggin' that will probably be in future posts: the Second Coming; being prepared and why we need to be. My evolution; how life experiences have made me a different person, and the idea that life is really about being a student and a teacher.

See ya next post.

Communication is Key!

All growing up, I remember my mom telling me that communication is key. She always told me that she believed the lack of communication was one of the reasons she and my dad got a divorce. I do think there is a difference between communicating and talking. Communicating is not only being able to get your thoughts across, but is being able to listen. This post, I'm focusing on the first. Being able to get your thoughts across.

Since my youth; which was a long, long time ago, I've known then that communication is key to a successful marriage. I didn't know or ever really think about what "communicating" was though.This last week however, was a really big eye opener on the subject in general, which I am truly thankful for! No worries, nothing spectacular happened, no big problems, fights, or arguments, that needed to be talked out... but I did have had a couple friends that I've talked to with on the subject recently which got me thinking about it. I also really feel that the Lord with His tender mercy, felt it was a good time to teach me on the subject. I like to think because it's a time in my life where I am willing to learn and want the lesson would stick. And stick it did.

I found myself asking the question, "am I, a good communicator?" And the answer to that, was a big negative, ghostwriter. Not to say, that I don't have my good days, but I recognize that there is a lot of room for improvement! I want to understand, the "how" to communicate just as much as the "why" it's important to be a good communicator.

Have you ever been around a little kid, who opts to use grunts, whines, and gestures instead of his words, to tell you what he wants? Have you ever been around, when a parent of that kid, tells them, "honey, use your words, I don't understand what that grunt means."? I really feel that teaching children how to communicate by using their words at an early age, gives them the best chance of being a good communicator as an adult. Because come on, we've all been around the adult who uses those same grunts, whines, and gestures too. I know that I don't always understand them, which can be frustrating.

I have also been around adults, who either, one, really confuse you because they start their sentence mid thought, or two, they don't know how to finish verbalizing their thought and it kinda trails off into a verbal black hole. I tend to fall into this way of communicating. It can get confusing because I start up or stop my sentence mid thought process because it seems I can't connect the words coming out of my mouth and my thoughts together. I really don't think it's because I don't know how, or that I can't. I just think it's because I've been "communicating" like that for so long, that I need to practice completing my thoughts instead of just blurting out my partial thoughts.

In the last year, since being back in Tucson, I have actually recognized this in myself and I really try to give the person I'm talking to, the complete picture of what I am thinking, instead of just a partial picture. It's been really interesting to see my communicating change. Again, there is still a lot of room for improvement. This might also be why eye contact is sometimes hard for me. I dunno.

I also give credit to my writing class for the way I've thought about this subject. It's only 2 weeks in, but I see the need to communicate complete thoughts, verbally and especially in writing. We don't know what people are thinking and feeling, we only know what we are thinking and feeling. We don't know what experiences they have had and what thoughts they are bringing to a conversation. I think it is up to each of us to communicate where our thoughts are, and what our experiences have been, to help bring us better understand each other.


I really feel when we learn to use our words to be able to express our feelings; happy, sad, frustrated, etc. We COMMUNICATE!

The end.

Oooh, oooh! Opinions and insights on this subject are completely welcome. I am in the learning zone for this one, and, any and all perspectives are welcome!


  

Today was a we bit rough, but ended on a good note!

And by a we bit rough, let's just say, I actually wanted to physically punch a kid in my math class. Seriously. No joke.I can honestly tell you that, I have not wanted to punch someone since, I don't know, my senior year in high school? I can still remember my emotions that day, two guys being dumb in English and were just being not nice. So, what, 11 almost 12 years ago was my last desire to physically harm? I don't think that's to shabby.

I did however realize today, that I DON"T WANT TO HAVE THAT DESIRE, EVER AGAIN!

I had a slight "road rage" thought cross my mind (which was not a very nice thought) when I had to wait for a car to turn before I could on my way home... I do recognize that it happened only a few minutes after math class was over, but still, no excuse. Which made it hard to deal with coming home to some of my dishes being written on with permanent marker... which irked me some more... along with coming home to a house that smelled like fish! Yucky. Don't get me wrong, I like fish, I just don't like the lingering smell in my house after it's been cooked.

I, somehow let things keep getting to me, and getting to me. I just kept getting madder and madder. And then it happened. I started to complain on facebook about today being a patience trying kind of day, and the realization hit me! I totally have been praying for an increase of patience! And boy oh boy, today was a day of learning.

I all of the sudden, didn't feel mad anymore. I reflected on my own stupidity of getting so mad over such small, insignificant events, that I said a prayer and asked Heavenly Father to forgive me. I also asked that I would be able to forgive the kid that offended me in Math (not a big deal, he was just a huge disruption towards the end of class, and very disrespectful to the teacher and the rest of the class, who wanted to be there), I was trying to remind myself too, that he is only a "kid", and has his own learning and life experiences to go through.


I also had the chance today to edit the first few cooking videos for my other blog and got to show Jakob, my nephew how to do it too. I love that he loves this stuff! He always asks questions and wants to learn as much as he can! I am by no means an expert, I don't know any of the technical terms, and my videos are a little choppy, but still. I'm glad he see's me trying something new. I really love spending time with him! He is like a little brother actually.

I don't know how to explain it, but sometimes, I feel like we are the same age. Not on a maturity, immaturity level, but on a kind of, spiritual level. I feel, like we were friends in the pre-existence, I just happened to come down to earth and received my body first. It's really weird, but we are totally kindred spirits, who also know how to bug the bejeebies out of each other.

Today wasn't one of those days of bugging each other though. He got to sit, do his homework and watch me edit while chiming in his two sense. He also got to make videos on my camera of himself. He really is quite the little actor and artist! I am not kidding! Maybe, if I get his mom's permission, I'll post a video of him on here, if not a video of him, maybe I'll post one of his Lego Star Wars movies or his Finger Man, Stick Man movies that he acts and stars in. haha.

I did however, loose total sense of time and was 45minutes late to my night class at Pima. hehe. Time flies when you are having fun! I went to class, which is a intro to business, type class, and realized that... maybe business isn't for me. I love to learn, don't get me wrong, but I don't know if this is a subject that I could ever love enough to pursue as a career? Time will tell, I'll hopefully have a better idea by the time the semester is over, so keep an eye out for a possible career goal change in the future. lol.

I then came home, Cake (Jakob) is spending the night, so we got to talk some more. He was reading a book while I was converting my videos into the right format to upload them to youtube.

And that's how my day turned from a, bit rough, to ending on a good note. I've been humbled, I've had the chance to increase my patience, and charity towards myself and my brothers and sisters. My new blog is doing great and I uploaded my first videos! School is great, I am learning tons! Life in general is GREAT! I'm learning a few new lessons, you know, the one where you recognize it is your own attitude that makes the difference and the lesson, where you can see that by not showing love and charity towards those around you, that satan can get in, and disrupt your day. You know, another lesson, where you learn to rely on your Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ, because you know that they are your best teachers, and you can become the best you, by abiding by Their teachings... who could ask for anything more?