Wo, wo.

Seriously, over the last few months I have felt more picked on by the adversary (satan is real folks and he is a poo head) than I think I have been in my whole life combined. It's been hard, but thankfully I believe in the power of deliverance through Jesus Christ. He has been able to dispel the feelings that come through that adversity when I call upon Him for help; when I pray and study the scriptures is when I am calling for help. Ive realized as I'm writing this that I should be doing more sincere study of the scriptures while also studying from modern day prophets too. I'll try to be better about that. Lesson learned in this instant, thanks Heavenly Father. 

Ok, because of said adversity, I've been a little overwhelmed thinking if its this hard now, when I'm actually trying to be better, how much harder is it going to get later if I actually become better (big leap I know, but that's what I'm aiming for;)? I don't know how much I can handle.         

     

Once those thoughts started creeping in a quote from President Monson came to mind, it goes something like this, "don't pray to have your burdens lightened, but pray that your back will be able to bear the burdens placed there-on". My definition of burden has been changing these last few weeks because of a few themes I've run across. One being a story that I've heard in the last few days told by multiple different people at different times and goes like this:

        

     There were two men walking on a path who were able to see many cities in the distance. With their keen eyes they were able to discern satan and his angels overrunning some cities while leaving others relatively alone. One man said to the other, "those cities where satan and his angels are must be very wicked cities", the other man agreed and said those with few must be full of the righteous followers of Jesus Christ. 

     As the men continued on their path they can upon an old man, hunched over carrying a heavy load, who was surrounded by evil on every side. The men assumed he too must be an evil man to be surrounded by so much evil.           

     An angel of God then appeared on their path. They pointed out their observations of the wickedness and righteousness of the people to him. The angel taught them a great lesson by clarifying that it was not the wicked who satan and his angels try to overrun and destroy, but it is the righteous he is pursuing with all earnest to take down. 

Satan is a burden. 

Another story, I promise I'll connect everything ;). This was again a story told to me in the last few days by different people in different circumstances and got me thinking...

Side note: Im trying to really recognize that when The Lord puts repetition in our lives, especially freakishly close time frames of repetition, we should really perk up an take note, hence the reason I'm journaling about it here :) 

The story goes something like this:

     There was a man walking along the beach looking in the distance; he saw a boy repeatedly bending down and throwing something into the ocean as he was walking along. As the man neared the boy, he recognized what he was throwing back into the ocean. He saw thousands of washed up starfish on the beach that had come in with the tide. He recognized that they were all going to die unless they could be put back into to water. The man stopped and talked to the boy and asked if this task was just too much, because there were so many starfish, he wouldn't be able to help them all. The man emphasized all the beaches along that coast probably had thousands of starfish washed up on them too so it probably didn't matter that the boy was throwing only a few back from this beach. The boy replied as he threw another one back in the water, "it matters to that one".

Being overwhelmed is a burden I place on myself, I don't need to be overwhelmed because I have Jesus Christ. I know that I matter to Him. I know as long as I try and put my trust and my will in the hands of The Lord, I'll receive deliverence from the weight of my burdens; Burdens I may put on my own back by not being kind, by being selfish, or being prideful. Burdens that may stay on my back because I haven't forgiven someone or myself or I haven't truly repented of/for something. Those are the burdens that satans adds weight to too, but he will also throw in self doubt, and self pity, anything to tear us down. 

I was reading my patriarchal blessing last night and there is a phrase that gives me hope which I haven't fully appreciated until now. It says when adversity is affecting me, which it will, I need to pray for the strength to endure or for the power to overcome those adversities. I see how having strength to endure can ease the satan induced burdens while having the power to overcome can ease the self imposed ones. 

God sure does love me. He really does know me, especially how to teach me. I'm a parable loving kind of gal and those two repeated stories were what I needed to hear along with my patriarchal blessing and a quote from the prophet to learn the lesson of burdens He wanted to teach me. 

I really REALLY love Him.