Humbling Perspective

Humor me if this post doesn't make complete sense and it sounds like I'm being really vague, I'll try to keep re-reading and re-writing this post until I completely grasp the lesson Im supposed to be learning. God willing. 

I had been upset this last month with a few people because of some things they had said, either to me, about me, or about my family... I've realized we were all at fault and I'm learning how to forgive myself and them right now. I know trusting in the Atonement will help forgiveness to happen though so I'm trying really hard to do that. 

I've learned I don't like not liking people, especially people I interact with a lot... But not always liking people happens sometimes and I understand that. I know we are not commanded to like people, but to love them. I still try to be cordial and nice though. Its hard, but has been worth it to try the route of being nice the last few years. 

Anywho, I've realized in this specific experience in life, I've been a little selfish in giving love to those who have offended me though. I feel the negative effects of it in my soul. I'm not a fan of negative feelings in my soul folks. Period! I had to write the word for effect since that cute little dot didn't convey it enough for me. Haha. I much prefer the feelings of comfort and peace that usually fill my heart, and I've realized how reliant I am on my Savior to obtain that comfort and peace. I am trying to forgive, I am trying to accept what role I have played in creating the atmosphere where others felt it would be ok to criticize me or my family. 

Once I recognized the role I played though, self doubt started to creep in; All of my imperfections, things I see or others have pointed out about my personality specifically. Satan, he's a tricky bugger who preys when we are weak. I have to try and feel better about who I am because I'm not perfect and do make mistakes. That trying to feel better about myself got me talking to a few people last Sunday who's opinions I value greatly and it worked. Their insight on loving people (or ourselves) despite knowing their their imperfections, really allowed me to ponder and be taught later by the Spirit. 

I knew none if us were perfect, but I wasn't grasping the principle in the right perspective until this epiphany came: 

Each person, each persons personality that is, needs work. We, you for me, me for you, are each other's "lessons" to be learned. Whether they are personalities we like and get along with, or they are personalities that drive us nuts, they are part of our lives to help refine us. They can teach us key principles of how to be more like Jesus Christ. 

A scripture in the Book of Mormon came to mind while writing this post: 

"And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things" (Book of Mormon, Moroni, Moroni 7 verse 45). 

Thanks to a lesson on patience I just have in YW I learned that four of the above named Christlike attributes relate to patience...

Patience with other people isn't easy, patience with ourselves isn't easy, but I have humbly learned that its ok to be imperfect and be a person that helps other people, and ourselves, to become refined because of those exact imperfections. Each little step towards an increase of patience for others and ourselves removes a little more dross of imperfection each time. 

Yeah. I'm imperfect and in this life, that is ok. It's helping to prepare me for the next.