Thy will be done or my own?

I'm a work in progress, that's for sure. I'm thankful each day for the Atonement because I can be forgiven for the mistakes I make. I also know the Atonement can give me the strength to overcome the parts of myself I cannot change on my own which can help me to stop making the same mistakes. The mercy and love of Jesus Christ is a beautiful.

Today was a day I learned how pride plays a role in my life in a way I hadn't really imagined before. It's been quite humbling. Today's experience was not me actively pursuing sin, or blatantly challenging God, but it was me being unrighteous and sinful, that's for sure. Moments of pride can be small and those moments seems to be so subtle, or "not that big of a deal". Guys, disobedience is disobedience whether it's small or big and pride no matter what level it falls (on what I think we each sometimes see as The Scale of Sin) is still sin. That principle applying to pride I didn't fully appreciate before. In what seems like a small moment in my life I actively pursued my own will and not the Lord's.

Don't get me wrong, I quite often pursue my own will, but today was somehow different, I felt different, I felt horrible. Not a glossed over horrible that I can usually feel better with quickly, but the kind of horrible that requires humble repentance and forsaking. The kind of horrible that's dark and can encroach on any light I might be trying to feel. I haven't quite pinpointed why I felt/feel a little still like this, but I am leaning towards the principle of "sinning against light and knowledge" and how bad doing that really is.

You wanna know what I did, or didn't do actually? I'll write it down here in a sec. Let's hope posterity reads and learns from this and I remember this experience forever. The story is a simple uncomplicated one and goes like this:

Tomorrow is the Phoenix Temple dedication. The Tucson Stake Center is going to become an extension of the Temple during that time and because of that last week my ward was asked to come in this morning and do some extra cleaning to prepare the building for the occasion. Last week when it was announced I felt I should go, and truthfully wanted to help prepare the building. However, I've been on this kick with not wanting to get out of bed in the mornings (whole different post will probably come on this subject), so this morning when my alarm went off at 7am I wanted to sleep more. Granted I felt totally great and could have easily got up and started my day so I had no "need" to sleep more, I just wanted to. I felt impressed I should go to the chapel, I felt that I should get up and go help clean. I didn't. I chose to validate what I wanted to do and stayed in bed until 845. I however was awake most of the time pining over if I should just get up and go late to help. They started at 8 and should have been done by 9. I felt I should go even if I was going to be late. I didn't go.

My will be done? Yup. Did I make a horrible mistake? Yup. I don't know what the consequences to myself will be because of my prideful desire to do what I wanted to do instead of what the Lord would have me do, but I pray that no one else will be negatively affected because of it. That's why selfish desires are so horrible, we never know what our choices will do to other people. On the positive side when we do listen and try to be selfless I know blessings will come to everyone. I hope no one needed me this morning and I wasn't there for them. This horrible feeling associated with denying a prompting from the Holy Ghost, sinning against Gods' light does have potential for good. I know even if there are negative consequences from my choices today I will be a lot less likely to ever do this again. I sadly think I've said that before.

This is the moment when I go back to the first paragraph of my post and remind myself I am not perfect. I am not expected to be perfect because Jesus Christ is. He has the perfect ability to forgive us and help us to forsake what is bad for us. I know God loves me, I know my Savior loves me, and I know I am being continually guided by and comforted by the Holy Ghost because He loves me too. What an amazing day.

Side note: I'm super thankful the Lord knows my weaknesses and has let me know to be aware of my pride. My patriarchal blessing has been a huge source of comfort these last few months because the Lord has told me what to be aware when it comes to my own 'natural man'. I find comfort also in knowing He wants me to have joy in this life and the way to obtain that joy is through Christ.

I succumbed, online "meeting people" I'm giving you a shot

So yeah. I think I need to meet more guys to potentially go on dates with. The only guys lately that seem to be interested in me are two old guys at church that are my moms age. They are flirty and it's weird. Like REALLY weird. I figure if I start trying to actually date guys my age maybe something will come out of it and creepy guys (who are really only creepy because they're old and flirty with me and I am not old) will go away. Funny enough, that is an absolute reason for this, but I do really want to meet a guy who has the same outlook on life as I do and who loves or can love God as much as me. I'll let you know how that goes. For now here is my "greeting" for the online profile:

Hi. My name is Sarah. This little "create a greeting" thing is kinda weird, but here ya go. I love God, my family, friends, food, nature, teaching, and creating. The first four in that order and the rest have equal priority after. I'm interesting in getting to know guys who have the same top three loves. It would be helpful though if you loved food too or at least loved to eat it, because yo, I cook a lot.

I'm a full-time student at the UofA. I'm pursuing an art degree. I can weld and know my way around power tools which is pretty cool. I worked for years in healthcare and as a cosmetologist, but didn't feel quite fulfilled in those fields so I went to school. Learning and gaining knowledge has been ahhhmazing! Eventually I want to teach within my community using the talents I have. Teaching is in my blood and I absolutely love doing it.

Being older than most of my classmates I always find myself telling them no one could pay me enough money to be their age again. I enjoy getting older and the perspectives that come with it. I try to LIVE life, not just let life happen.

You should also know I'm a we bit obsessed with food and all things natural. I go organic, local, and simple for my groceries and home life as much as possible. I shop at the local farmers' markets, the co-op, and thrift stores. I think too often we complicate life and living. I don't feel God means for us to do that. So I'm learning to live without and learning to make what I do and do have count. It's been a pretty amazing experience transitioning into the life I'm now living and am pretty excited to keep on simplifying. I love life.

Through my experience learning about food I have a strong testimony of the truthfulness of the Word of Wisdom and the blessings promised in it from eating whole foods. I'm not a vegetarian, but I don't eat meat often. I thought I should warn you guys. haha. I live in the desert where it's hot, Arizona winters are short, and I haven't experienced any famines ever. In the big picture of why I simplify food and living is because I feel western societies only know how to consume things. How often do we look at the impact of things we "want" on the earth, society, families, even individuals? I do have a plethora of homemaking skills now because of simplifying though. Putting my laundry away isn't always one of them, but I know how to iron. Haha. I should throw in here too with the homemaking skills that I adore kids. I've been a primary teacher and YW leader. Also, my nieces and nephews are some of my favorite people in the world and we often go out on "aunt Sarah adventures". I find so much joy in being a person who gets to contribute to their learning about life. I want them to see the good in the world and appreciate all that we've been given. It's pretty humbling to teach a child.

I also freakishly enjoy nature! Give me a covered porch with a swing in a thunder and lightening storm and I'm in Heaven. Sunsets are my favorite time of day. I enjoy hiking and camping too. I'm interesting in trying mountain biking, but riding uphill hasn't sounded all that appealing yet. I'm up for trying it though if the right person invites me on the adventure. I love adventures! I ride my bike in town to work and school so it's an adventure in living each day. haha. Joking. Tucson is a pretty bike friendly place. Last year I went rock climbing for the first time and I loved it. I'm thinking about checking out indoor rock climbing this year for my workouts. I'm thinking I'll enjoy that more than "traditional" cardio/weight lifting :)

On a final note, I'm a going to church every Sunday, fulfilling my callings to the best of my ability, and reaching out to help all people kind of gal. I talk to strangers and share the gospel with most people I come in contact with. I try to do my visiting teaching, I don't like sitting in the same spot in sacrament meetings (not because I don't like consistency, but because I like to see if there is anyone who needs me that day), and I love organizing/planning ward holiday parties. Ok, I really enjoy all party planning. I get to be artsy and freaky organized? Yes please.

I teach Gospel Doctrine in my ward and love to go out with the missionaries and feeding them too. Right now I have the chance to teach the new member discussions to a family in my ward. I never served a mission so this experience is great! I go to the temple once a month, but am always looking for opportunities to go more often. I'm pretty stoked about a temple coming to Tucson! I try to actively live my faith.

I also believe the answer to everything in this life is Love.

I think that's enough about me. Props to you if you have made it to the end of my greeting. If I sound like someone you'd be interesting in getting to know message me and maybe we can chat.

Have a great day!

Sarah

Here are the pictures I have up there too. I figured putting up an array of pictures of me would give someone a more complete picture of my character. haha.

Interesting Insight

Acquaintance vs friend. Yeah, I gained some interesting insight on the difference between those two things last week when I had a written email conversation with Andy (no details about the conversation are necessary, they don't matter). I realized he is not my friend, nor I his. It is not that that is a bad thing either. It's actually really helpful. I realize I can say confidently I don't like him like I thought I could/might. It's nice to have learned that I am only someone who cuts his hair and he is just someone who teaches/helps me with my bike.

From what transpired between us, I learned friends are aware of each others personality quarks and handle said quarks completely different than an acquaintance does.I learned a major difference between a friend and an acquaintance is that a friend is someone who's quarks we enjoy or have a freakishly high tolerance for. Friendship is certain when the quarks they have bug us when other people have them, but with that friend they don't matter.I guess that is also what makes up a family and the dynamics therein. I recognize families get along better when we look past our differences and learn to tolerate one another's differences rather than letting those differences bug us.

I learned a lot from this experience.

The end.

Sweetness! I'm excited!

Today I found out I won the Tucson Food Conspiracy Co-Op's first (hopefully annual) eat local challenge. A happy dance and a whole lot of hehehe's were happening when I found out! The challenge was to use local ingredients in our meals for two weeks and document it all in pictures. Oh how I love taking pictures of food! Not even joking here. I really do love it. haha. On instragram I would take a picture of my food and use the #tucsoneatslocal hashtag. It is awesome to adventure with local ingredients; I highly recommend trying it sometime if you haven't. I'm adding all the pictures I took for the challenge to this post for memory sake. I'll only put the local ingredients I used, mainly because I'm lazy at the moment. If you really want to know what is all in some of them, comment and I'll get back to ya.

Local and organic: eggplant, carrots, zucchini, onions, tomatoes, and whole wheat tortillas (green chili powder is from New Mexico ;)

Local and organic: Whole grain sourdough, egg, tomatoes, kale, and basil (My salt is from Utah ;)

Local and organic: Okra, carrots, onion, garlic, egg, basil, and chives

Local and organic: White peaches, valencia orange (juice and zest), and raw honey

Local and organic: kohlrabi, fennel, eggplant, onion (yellow and red), garlic, jalapeno, tomatoes, and cactus (nopales)

Local and organic: long beans, kohlrabi, zucchini, and basil

Local and organic: egg, kale, oyster mushrooms, shallots, and basil (The plate is even local, I made it in ceramics :)

Local and organic: sweet potato, nopales, onioin, basil, and valencia orange (segments and zest). (The wheat berries are from Utah)

Local and organic: Whole grain sourdough and figs

Local and organic: Tortilla, tomatoes, nopales, onion, garlic, and egg (I made the black beans too :)

Local and organic: kale, oyster mushrooms, onion, garlic, squash, pork fat, dried thyme, dried rosemary, dried sage, and whole grain sourdough.

Local and organic: sweet potato, bell pepper, squash, onion, garlic, fresh rosemary and basil, pork fat, and egg.

Local and organic: Beef, zucchini, tomatoes, onions, garlic, and lime.

I. Love. Food. Especially fresh and locally grown food. I love even more than food itself is that food has taught me so much about God, the world, society, me, and Tucson. 

Food is good. God is good for creating food. I love Him.

*** Also, did I mention I think I've figured out how I can/want to contribute to bettering my community in the big picture?! Hint. Its about food ;) I have a few really cool things I am hoping play out in the next couple weeks. I'll post an update as soon about what they are. Hehe. 

Update: Here is me getting my prizes :)

Ten Years and 165 Pounds Later

This is the picture I had to send in with the application for my cosmetology license back in April of 2004. 

I remember getting all dolled up for the passport photo. I was at my heaviest weight of 350 pounds. I wore a 28-30 in pants and a 3-4X in shirts.

Now this picture I took in April 2014 to capture the accomplishment of me riding my bike 8 miles to the UofA from my house and not dying! This is me red faced and sweaty folks. I'm now down to the 190's, which includes new formed leg muscles from all the bike riding! I also now wear a size 12-14 in pants and a Large in shirts.

Thumbs up to this change that's for sure. haha. I wonder what the next ten years will have in store for me? What do you think?

Community Job Secured.

Working to better my community: Check
Non-Profit: Check
Working with amazing people: Check
Part time: Check
Works with my school schedule: Check
Utilizes my organizational skills: Check
Allows me to teach and to be creative: Check
Allows me to also work by myself: Check

I love all of those checks.

The coolest thing happened last week. This is going to take a little bit of back story, but humor me, it's worth it.

A month ago I applied for a full-time position with the community food bank here in town. For the last year I have volunteered with the children's nutrition coordinator in an after school program that teaches kids about food/nutrition. The coordinator position became available so I decided to apply since I enjoyed volunteering and teaching the kids so much. I applied for the position with complete confidence that I would at least get the chance for an interview, considering I was highly recommended by the previous coordinator and had the experience that was applicable to the position.

They never called me. I called the HR department two weeks after putting in my application to make sure they knew I was interested, just in case they were weeding people out, but I didn't get to talk to anyone (special phone issues on my part) The position got taken off their website right after I called though so I figured they hired someone else. I really felt like I wasn't going to end up working there, but I wanted to try for the position considering it was a great door opener in helping my community and would let me work within fields I am passionate about. Teaching kids and food :)

Last Monday, a whole month after applying to the food bank, I looked on Craigslist for another job. I narrowed down my search by choosing "non-profits" and wouldn't you know it, the perfect job was waiting for me. I updated my resume and sent it off with a cover letter email around 2pm. By 2:05 pm I had gotten a call from the organization looking to set up an interview. I interviewed the next morning at 9 and was offered the job. I was who they had been waiting for. Wednesday I filled out paperwork and got my finger print clearance application submitted. Thursday I started work..

I am now working for the Easter Seals Blake Foundation as a job coach/clerical support staff. I get to work with the disabled community, specifically with a young woman in the office helping her to increase her job/personal skills. It feels so right being there. My co workers have been great, the atmosphere in the small office is this happy vibe of optimism and fun with a lot of love for those the foundation helps thrown in.I feel that this is where I'm supposed to be. It's a great feeling. It's also less than a mile from my new house which is less than a 5 minute bike ride :) Yeah buddy.

Side note: Funny thing happened Tuesday when I got home from the interview after accepting the position at the ESBF. I got a call from the food banks HR wanting to set up an interview for the coordinator position. Haha. Apparently they were just taking their time. I was able to happily decline the interview and stated I had already accepted another position elsewhere.

I know God knew what He was doing when everything fell into place with ESBF. He knew I would have not even looked for another job if I had the chance to interview and had the job extended to me from the food bank. I know I'm supposed to be with ESBF in my life right now. Now I get to try and make sure I learn everything there I am supposed to as well as be a tool in His hands and do what I am supposed to there.

Here is to new work adventures!

An attractive guy and attractive job changes

Andy the hair gettin' cut bike guru, he's pretty, and as of late I've been enjoying getting to know him more. I've realized we are more than just client and stylist, but we are in a realm where we are friends, but not the kind that hang out or really see/talk to each other unless one needs something from the other kind of friends. It works I guess. Maybe not being in the hanging out friend realm is a good thing for my psyche. Andy doesn't seem to like me in any other way than a friend and truthfully I'm might be ok with that..

I've been trying to get away from liking guys who don't seem to be interested in me. It's a hard habit to break since sadly I've been doing it for so long. I'm going to write out my thoughts down on this case, humor me. Trying to not like Andy is an adventure, that's for sure. I completely acknowledge he's attractive, his smile is still great.Which is nice, but also really confusing for my psyche. Andy also gives great hugs which doesn't help me not to be attracted to him. For the love, physical attraction is good, but with a guy I like I want to be able to get to know him for him, not just stare at him all day. I also want him to want to get to know me. Since he's shows no sign of interest I'll try to keep Andy in the "cute guy who's hair I happen to cut" realm. I'll try to not end up liking him more than that. I'll let you know how that goes.

I did realize a month or two ago that I met him in 2011 and have been doing his hair for over two years. It kinda shocked me to think I've known him that long. He's seen me go through a lot of physical, mental, and spiritual changes that have helped me to become who I have. He's been a great person to talk to about whole food living and getting active which I completely appreciate. I've decided to return the favor in helping him to find peace and joy in his life by giving him a copy of the Book of Mormon. It took me over two years to be comfortable enough with him and my own faith to do that. I don't think he has read it yet, but I hope one day he does. It's hard to describe to someone how amazing the scriptures are without them actually reading them to see for themselves. The Book of Mormon really is amazing. If you haven't read it, do it, it can change your life and help you to find peace and joy you didn't know were possible in this life.

Now some hair info. I'm not professionally doing hair anymore. Yahoo! Well almost not anymore. I have one color client left and then I'm done with clients once she finds a new stylist here in the next month or two. Everyone else, except Andy actually (we barter haircuts for bike repairs so I'll keep cutting his hair). I finished working on their hair at the end of May. It's been a great weight lifted off my shoulders. It wasn't even a weight I knew needed lifted, but I followed the impression to let my clients go and that's what happened. They were sad and I was too in the aspect of not being a part of their lives in the same way anymore, but it's something that needed to happen. I'll still be cutting my own hair and my families. I'll still volunteer cutting missionary's hair in my area who need it too. That's service in my book. Speaking of service I'm totally down for teaching friends how to cut their own or their families hair, I just don't want to be the one doing it all the time.

I'm not going away from it completely I guess is what I am trying to say here, but I realized a few months ago that hair just isn't something I want to do anymore. Working in the beauty industry isn't the profession I want nor is it a field I feel I can grow in the way I want to keep progressing in life (if that makes sense?). I've talked about it here before that I really want to work in the community to help it become better. I realized to that I needed to stop doing hair during my off hours, because it was completely impeding me finding a part time or flexible full time job in my community.

I guess another reason I wanted to quit was because I don't color, use styling products, or use anything beside a simple three ingredient soap on my own head anymore. My hippie ways are swaying me away from unnecessary chemicals. I love going more natural and am rocking my gray streak in my bangs. I also have recognized I don't like societies dependence on beauty products to make one feel good about the way we look. I usually don't even wear make-up anymore, and yet I feel more beautiful now than I ever have. Super weird how much I've changed from my early twenties about hair and make-up. haha. I like getting older and "wiser".

Now onto working to better my community. Go.